Summon Perfect Warlord Spell

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Proposed Canon

The Summon Perfect Warlord Spell summoned Parson Gotti to Erfworld. The original Spell package, including both spell and casting, cost 500,000 schmuckers. Stanley, finding that the spell alone cost 350,000 Schmuckers, decided to disregard the support plan consisting of a Findamancer casting worth 150,000 Schmuckers; he instead ordered Wanda Firebaugh to cast the spell.Erf-b1-p013Same-site.PNG It was cast by Wanda Firebaugh with interference by Stanley the PlaidErf-b1-p017Same-site.PNG.


The majority of qualities that Stanley demanded for his Perfect Warlord may have been received:

  • Big - Parson is large compared to ErfWorlders.
  • Powerful - Due to his size, Parson is capable of carrying much larger and heavier things than native men. This might also have been added through the "Combat" in the sword, which has been destroyed.
  • Dashing - Energetic/spirited; Parson gets like that when he's winning.
  • Handsome - Wanda may have an odd sense of what is good-looking, or bypasses the "dashing" and "handsome" requirements when Stanley asks to "just make him big".
  • Heroic - May have been added through the "Ruthlessness" quality of the sword. He is willing to risk his own presence on the battlefield at the most vital junctures at the end where he was needed. He stands up to Erfworld itself at the end of the Battle for Gobwin Knob, declaring his opposition to what just occurred.
  • Inspiring - May have been added via the "Leadership" quality of his sword.
  • Perfect military mind - Enhanced by the Mathamancy Bracer, if not already present.
  • Strategic genius - Erfworlders are traditionalists. Parson creates strategy that they never will due to knowledge of less traditional warfare.
  • Obsessed with war - Cannot stop considering the military uses of anything he sees.
  • Eats marbits and gwiffons - Marbits are marshmallow bits in breakfast cereal. Gwiffons are shaped like peeps.


Looks like they got what they paid for.


The spell's results were more than unusual. After pulling Parson, the spell created a number of magical items on the following days to equip him and transform him into the true Perfect Warlord:

  • A pair of [3D Glasses] that gives him the Erfworlder's natural ability to see other units' stats;
  • A strange bracer that attaches to his calculator watch, allowing computation of combat probabilities;
  • And finally, a three-piece sword, with the enchantments of "Leadership", "Combat ability" and "Ruthlessness".