Sizemore Rockwell

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Sizemore Rockwell
Race: Men
Tribe: Plaid Tribe (nearly lost)
Faction: Gobwin Knob
Class: Caster (Dirtamancer)
Level: 4+
Eyebook Username: ImInUrDirtz
Eyebook Sound: Choo

Proposed Canon

"Nobody knows what's going on in this world. I guess... a few of us would like to."

Strengths: Knowledge, Curiosity, Kindness

Weaknesses: Assertiveness, Confidence, Effectiveness

First Appearance: TBFGK 11

Sizemore is (or was) apparently a "filthy rich rock star" in the Magic Kingdom; an interesting counterpoint to his lowly status under Stanley the Tool.


Sizemore Rockwell is a Dirtamancer in the service of Lord Stanley. He was outside of Gobwin Knob when King Saline IV was overthrown, so he is not a Garrison unit, but had little if any combat experience before the Battle of Gobwin Knob. His main duty as the story opens is to animate crap golems. Since he seems quite competent as a Dirtamancer, it's possible he may have leveled before, as a result of using his special abilities as a caster in non-combat situations. Earlier, he bored a large number of mining tunnels in the volcanic base of Gobwin Knob, until he believed that the gems had been mined out. He had also, at some point, crafted multiple Soft Rock Golems, Hard Rock Golems, Acid Rock Golems, and one Metal Golem, and done a wide variety of construction jobs in the Magic Kingdom.

His personality, in Gobwin Knob, was that of a meek intellectual, though he may have been much more confident and assertive when dealing with his fellow Casters in the Magic Kingdom. He has attempted to learn various types of magic, and has a basic theoretical understanding of magic in general, but has no practical ability at using any magics other than Dirtamancy. He enjoys visiting the Magic Kingdom, and listening to the intellectual debates which occur there.

Soon after Parson is summoned, Sizemore teaches him some of the basics of the Erfworld magic system, and teaches him about several magic items, and about the Thinkamancy link. After Stanley leaves Gobwin Knob, Parson leaves him to modify the tunnels under Gobwin Knob along with his golems. During the tunnel battle in Gobwin Knob, Sizemore led the Gobwins and his Golems into battle, using traps and bombs to diminish the Jetstone forces swarming the tunnels. Eventually, he was cornered by Warlords Webinar and Dora. He killed both Warlords by healing an incapacitated Golem, which crushed them both. After killing the enemy commanders of the battle, Sizemore eliminated the remaining leadership and routed the tunnel invaders completely.

After the walls were pierced by the remaining RCC, Sizemore was linked with Maggie and Wanda Firebaugh to uncroak the volcano that Gobwin Knob was built on. Upon successful eruption of the volcano, all of the Royal Crown Coalition was destroyed, and Sizemore managed to also use the eruption to blast valuable gems to the surface of the mountain for recovery. He claims to have learned more about the Terrain around Gobwin Knob in the few minutes he was linked than he had learned in his entire lifetime. According to Hippiemancer Janis, Sizemore advanced two levels during the course of the Battle of Gobwin Knob.

Upon Stanley's instructions, Sizemore then upgraded the city of Gobwin Knob. He temporarily linked with Maggie in order to do this more efficiently. He is currently mining out the top layer of gems, and instructing Parson in the details of Erfworld magic. He's also gained another level, thanks to his work in rebuilding conquered cities so that they produce the same units as Gobwin Knob. He has sent out numerous parties of tunnel-capable units to search for feral Gobwins in the tunnels underneath nearby mountain hexes. While Sizemore has located many Marbits, he has yet to find a single Gobwin.

During his most recent visits to the Magic Kingdom, he has found that the political climate there is changing drastically, and that he is far less welcome than he used to be. He may experience even more hosility in the Magic Kingdom in the future, as a result of his most recent assignment, which was to build a secret tunnel under Portal Park from Gobwin Knob's portal to Spacerock's portal.

YATB says you r the best


Sizemore has a theoretical knowledge of many types of magic, but currently lacks the practical ability to effectively use any magic besides Dirtamancy, though he has been seen to use a Shockmancy scroll on one occasion. He may gain the ability to use more types of magic in the future, either because of his own advancement to a higher level, or because of his ability to link closely with Maggie. According to Hippiemancer Janis, Sizemore had advanced two levels during the course of the Battle of Gobwin Knob. There are some signs that Sizemore may be becoming more assertive, confident and effective.

Sizemore's curiosity into all forms of magic, his numerous visits to the Magic Kingdom, and his handiness and value to the other casters coupled with his dislike of fighting, his resentment over his role in the Battle of Gobwin Knob, and his general dislike of his side's current violent ascension might indicate that Sizemore would gladly be released from Gobwin Knob to become a side-less caster in the Magic Kingdom and may have strong motivations to do so kept in check only by his Duty and his faith in Janis.

Real World References

Sizemore's name is derived from the stage names of two members of the band Assrockers: Durt Sizemore and Riff Rockwell.WoT-1646581

It is also worth noting that one of the earliest patents for a shovel design was given to James B. Sizemore.

It may also be poignant that he is underapreciated for his talents by Stanley and "sighs more" than a man of his ability should. His name is also an obvious pun on the term "seismic" - a term used for many things to do earthquakes.