Difference between revisions of "Sizemore Rockwell"

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| Office=[[Chief Caster]] of [[Gobwin Knob]]
| Office=[[Chief Caster]] of [[Gobwin Knob]]
| Previous=[[Wanda Firebaugh]]
| Previous=[[Wanda Firebaugh]]
| Next=[[Wanda Firebaugh]]
| Next=''none, incumbent''

Latest revision as of 01:07, 10 October 2018

Sizemore Rockwell
Race: Men
Tribe: Plaid Tribe (nearly lost)
Faction: Gobwin Knob
Class: Caster (Dirtamancer)
Rank and Titles: Chief Caster
Level: 4+ Adept
Eyebook Username: ImInUrDirtz
Eyebook Sound: Choo


For choice and memorable utterances, see Quotes: Sizemore Rockwell.

Proposed Canon

"Nobody knows what's going on in this world. I guess... a few of us would like to."

Strengths: Knowledge, Curiosity, Kindness

Weaknesses: Assertiveness, Confidence, Effectiveness

First Appearance: TBFGK 11

Sizemore is at least level 4, and Adept-class (as of the Siege of Spacerock).Erf-b2-pT45Same-site.PNG

Sizemore is (or was) apparently a "filthy rich rock star" in the Magic Kingdom; an interesting counterpoint to his lowly status under Stanley the Tool. He was also Qualified.


Sizemore Rockwell is Chief Dirtamancer of Gobwin Knob in the service of Lord Stanley. He was outside of Gobwin Knob when King Saline IV was overthrown, so he is not a Garrison unit, but had little if any combat experience before the Battle of Gobwin Knob. His main duty as the story opens is to animate crap golems. Since he seems quite competent as a Dirtamancer, it's possible he may have leveled before, as a result of using his special abilities as a caster in non-combat situations. Earlier, he bored a large number of mining tunnels in the volcanic base of Gobwin Knob, until he believed that the gems had been mined out. He had also, at some point, crafted multiple Soft Rock Golems, Hard Rock Golems, Acid Rock Golems, and one Metal Golem, and done a wide variety of construction jobs in the Magic Kingdom.

His personality, in Gobwin Knob, was that of a meek intellectual, though he may have been much more confident and assertive when dealing with his fellow Casters in the Magic Kingdom. He has attempted to learn various types of magic, and has a basic theoretical understanding of magic in general, but has no practical ability at using any magics other than Dirtamancy. He enjoys visiting the Magic Kingdom, and listening to the intellectual debates which occur there.

Soon after Parson is summoned, Sizemore teaches him some of the basics of the Erfworld magic system, and teaches him about several magic items, and about the Thinkamancy link. After Stanley leaves Gobwin Knob, Parson leaves him to modify the tunnels under Gobwin Knob along with his golems. During the tunnel battle in Gobwin Knob, Sizemore led the Gobwins and his Golems into battle, using traps and bombs to diminish the Jetstone forces swarming the tunnels. Eventually, he was cornered by Warlords Webinar and Dora. He killed both Warlords by healing an incapacitated Golem, which crushed them both. After killing the enemy commanders of the battle, Sizemore eliminated the remaining leadership and routed the tunnel invaders completely.

After the walls were pierced by the remaining RCC, Sizemore was linked with Maggie and Wanda Firebaugh to uncroak the volcano that Gobwin Knob was built on. Upon successful eruption of the volcano, all of the Royal Crown Coalition was destroyed, and Sizemore managed to also use the eruption to blast valuable gems to the surface of the mountain for recovery. He claims to have learned more about the Terrain around Gobwin Knob in the few minutes he was linked than he had learned in his entire lifetime. According to Hippiemancer Janis, Sizemore advanced two levels during the course of the Battle of Gobwin Knob.

Upon Stanley's instructions, Sizemore then upgraded the city of Gobwin Knob. He temporarily linked with Maggie in order to do this more efficiently. He is currently mining out the top layer of gems, and instructing Parson in the details of Erfworld magic. He's also gained another level, thanks to his work in rebuilding conquered cities so that they produce the same units as Gobwin Knob. He has sent out numerous parties of tunnel-capable units to search for feral Gobwins in the tunnels underneath nearby mountain hexes. While Sizemore has located many Marbits, he has yet to find a single Gobwin.

During his most recent visits to the Magic Kingdom, he has found that the political climate there is changing drastically, and that he is far less welcome than he used to be. His construction of the secret tunnel under Portal Park from Gobwin Knob's portal to Spacerock's portal which Parson used alienated some casters in the Magic Kingdom. And the presence of some of Wanda's decrypted troops in the Magic Kingdom generated even more hostility. After Wanda was captured by the casters of the Magic Kingdom in the aftermath of the battle in the Magic Kingdom between Gobwin Knob and Charlescomm, Sizemore became Gobwin Knob's Chief Caster. He tried to work with Janis to rescue Wanda and the other captured decrypted units, (and even allowed Janis to borrow the Arkenpliers at the beginning of 96 AW)Hvs.tCF 211, but was unsuccessful.


The Magic Kingdom

For many turns, Sizemore led a double life. In Gobwin Knob, he spent long, boring hours digging tunnels and working in the crap pits for an Overlord who couldn't be bothered to remember his name. He received little respect or reward for his hard work. But when he had the opportunity to visit the Magic Kingdom, things were very different. In the Magic Kingdom, his magical talents were in great demand. Many people were so eager to hire him for work he found easy and interesting that he could easily acquire all the money he wanted and still charge rates well below what people were willing to pay. He was universally respected, found it extremely easy to make friends, and he had little difficulty finding people willing to teach him about all of the different types of magic. His mastery of dirt and stone made him a "filthy rich rock star". For Sizemore, the Magic Kingdom was his sanctuary, a place where all of the irritations and indignities of everyday life in Gobwin Knob simply vanished. Until, that is, Parson had him blow up the Volcano, and everything changed.

Sizemore's new found friendships with Parson and Maggie may be going a long way to make his life in Gobwin Knob more interesting and enjoyable. But the growing realization that Gobwin Knob may actually have the power to conquer Erfworld is driving a wedge between Sizemore and all of his former friends in the Magic Kingdom, with the exception of Janis. Sizemore suddenly belongs to a side whose vaulting ambitions and radical tactics are increasingly abhorrent to the casters in the Magic Kingdom. And this growing division threatens to destroy not only the entire network of friendships Sizemore has created, but the tradition of political neutrality which the Magic Kingdom has always maintained in the past.

Parson Gotti

Sizemore seems to have been Parson's first friend in Erfworld. The two respected each other right away. Sizemore had never received any respect from a Warlord before, so he naturally treated Parson the way he would treat one of his fellow Casters in the Magic Kingdom. Sizemore's attitude toward Parson suffered when Sizemore was ordered to kill enemy units, but Sizemore seems to have forgiven Parson.

Sizemore enjoys learning new ideas and performing new tasks, as long as they don't directly involve croaking people. He therefore appreciates Parson's capacity for suggesting ideas and activities which are new to Erfworld. He knows that associating with Parson is likely to increase the rate at which he levels. But he is also apprehensive about Parson's capacity for mass slaughter, and dislikes the effect Parson's innovations are having on his relations with the casters in the Magic Kingdom. While Janis helped him come to terms with the death toll produced by "uncroaking" the volcano, he knows he may find it harder to forgive what Parson makes him do in future battles. By the time the Siege of Spacerock is over, Sizemore shows a great deal of antipathy, and Parson acknowledges that Sizemore probably hates him now.

Wanda Firebaugh

Sizemore normally refers to Wanda as "Lady Firebaugh", and seems to respect her. He does not like having to defend her actions to the casters of the Magic Kingdom. As a caster, Wanda is probably aware of Sizemore's "Rock Star" status in the Magic Kingdom. She is at least superficially respectful toward Sizemore, but can be inconsiderate and curt, as she was when Sizemore suggested that Jillian could break Wanda's Suggestion Spell. They have a functional working relationship but do not appear to be social. In particular, Sizemore's willingness to study fields of magic he has no ability at puzzles the multitalented but specialized Wanda.

Wanda may have gained a greater appreciation of Sizemore as a result of linking with him to uncroak the Volcano. If Wanda believes that Fate requires that other members of her side attune to the other Arkentools, she may see Sizemore as a likely candidate for this role.


Janis is extremely interested in Parson's potential capability to change the course of Erfworld's history. She has strongly encouraged Sizemore to remain Parson's friend and supporter, so that Sizemore will be in a position to influence Parson. Sizemore has so far followed Janis's advice, despite his own fears that Parson's influence on the world is likely to be terribly harmful. Sizemore believes that Janis is very wise, and he values her friendship highly. He views her as a moral authority.

When we first met Janis and Sizemore, Janis was trying unsuccessfully to teach Sizemore to use Flower Power, in return for a fee of 8 Rands. Since she is unable to teach him, Janis offers to waive her fee, but instead Sizemore insists on paying her 20 Rands, possibly because there is a good chance that he's going to die, and so won't need the money himself. Sizemore admits to Janis that he didn't really expect to be very good at the form of magic Janis was teaching. The fact that Janis had apparently never before tried to teach Sizemore Flower Power, and that he had originally agreed to pay her for his lesson, suggests that Sizemore and Janis were not particularly close friends before Parson was summoned to Erfworld. When Parson appeared in the Magic Kingdom, Janis moved decisively to take control of the situation, rendering Parson unconscious (perhaps so he wouldn't further antagonize the other casters) and offering a large sum of money to get Sizemore safely extracted from his link to Maggie and Wanda.

Unlike most of the other casters in the Magic Kingdom, Janis remains on very good terms with Sizemore even as it becomes increasingly clear that Gobwin Knob represents a major challenge to the existing social order on Erfworld. This is because she welcomes the changes she thinks Parson may bring, rather than fearing them.


The two share a strong rapport. As a Caster, Maggie was probably always aware of Sizemore's "Rock Star" status in the Magic Kingdom. However, they probably weren't all that close until they linked to uncroak the Volcano, and learned just how compatible they really were.

Some level of romantic involvement is implied, but not yet resolved as definitely present or absent.

Sizemore and Maggie have discovered that they can easily link up for casting spells together. This linkage not only boosts Sizemore's abilities, it is also very enjoyable.

Stanley the Tool

In Book One, Stanley is aware of Sizemore's existence, but cannot be bothered to remember his name. Sizemore seems completely resigned to Stanley's abuse as he is to everything else. He perks up even at the brief acknowledgment Stanley gives him when he returns to Gobwin Knob. Sizemore does give Stanley a much-needed morale boost when he and Maggie remake the city of Gobwin Knob with a heavy Stanley Is The Man influence. Obviously, Stanley has no idea of this.


Sizemore has a theoretical knowledge of many types of magic, but currently lacks the practical ability to effectively use any magic besides Dirtamancy, though he has been seen to use a Shockmancy scroll on one occasion. He may gain the ability to use more types of magic in the future, either because of his own advancement to a higher level, or because of his ability to link closely with Maggie. According to Hippiemancer Janis, Sizemore had advanced two levels during the course of the Battle of Gobwin Knob. There are some signs that Sizemore may be becoming more assertive, confident and effective. His first appearance shows him practicing Hippiemancy.

Sizemore's curiosity into all forms of magic, his numerous visits to the Magic Kingdom, and his handiness and value to the other casters coupled with his dislike of fighting, his resentment over his role in the Battle of Gobwin Knob, and his general dislike of his side's current violent ascension might indicate that Sizemore would gladly be released from Gobwin Knob to become a side-less caster in the Magic Kingdom and may have strong motivations to do so kept in check only by his Duty and his faith in Janis.

Since Sizemore was popped as a commander under the reign of King Saline IV, it is likely he is a noble.

Real World References

Sizemore's name is derived from the stage names of two members of the band Assrockers: Durt Sizemore and Riff Rockwell.WoT-1646581

It is also worth noting that one of the earliest patents for a shovel design was given to James B. Sizemore.

It may also be poignant that he is underappreciated for his talents by Stanley and "sighs more" than a man of his ability should. His name is also an obvious pun on the term "seismic" - a term used for many things having to do with earthquakes.

Preceded by:
Wanda Firebaugh
Chief Caster of Gobwin Knob Succeeded by:
none, incumbent