|Maggie, looking concerned, stands on one side of the planning table as Parson Gotti, in his Hamstard breastplate and carrying his eyebook, approaches the other side. Smiling, he holds his right arm across his waist, extending his index, middle, and pinky fingers while retracting thumb and ring fingers.|||
Narrator: Parson Gotti, a.k.a. Lord Hamster.
Maggie: Negotiations are going rather poorly, I'm afraid.summoned to Erfworld from a strange and pointless reality called "Earth".
|Looking more serious, Parson sets his eyebook down on the planning table.|||
|Narrator: In the seventy-two turns since that happened, he has led only one major battle.|||
|In a scene from the Battle for Gobwin Knob, Parson leads the defense, pointing with his sword, and wearing his 3D Glasses and Hamstard helmet. Just behind and beside him is Bogroll wearing matching armor and helmet and carrying his club. Behind them are two Spidew-riding Hobgobwin Knights and a horde of uncroaked infantry.|||
|Narrator: It was a pretty good one, though.|||
|In a flashback to the Battle for Gobwin Knob, clad in his white jumpsuit raiment, tattered red cloak flapping in the wind, Prince Ansom leads Jetstone, Unaroyal, and Hobbittm infantry in dance-fighting.|||
|Prince Ansom of Jetstone.|||
|In a flashback, we see the Volcano Uncroaking: a full third of the caldera and part of the side of the mountain explode, reaching all the way to the winding road. The entire top of the mountain is split with cracks and fissures, each glowing with heat and barely-contained force.|||
|Stanley the Tool, mounted on his plated red dwagon, soars over Gobwin Knob. From this high vantage point, nearly the entire city and the volcano can be seen. The low wall and cliff face over the raging lava lake, the stout garrison and its paved mustering ground; the new Tower of Efdup; the clusters of empty buildings — five large ones surrounded by two sizes of smaller structures, leaving open several patches of green.|||
|Narrator: Unless you're Stanley.|||
|Ansom, still in his white jumpsuit raiment, but now with black lapels with a skull motif, linking him to Wanda Firebaugh's livery, instead of the blue and radishes he wore for Jetstone, soars over a city's outer walls on his magic carpet, shouting and brandishing his sword as an arrow whizzes past him. Far below we see Unaroyal infantry looking up at him as his army floods around the walls. Three decrypted archons and a blue dwagon follow him over as a Battle Bear assaults the wall. Inside the city, the buildings look like pats of butter.|||
|Narrator: Since the Battle for Gobwin Knob, Stanley the Tool has preferred to use Ansom as his Chief Warlord.|||
|Waves of red-and-black liveried decrypted infantrymen wait outside the outer walls of the city as a decrypted wiener-rammer advances on the main gate. A red dwagon breathes fire at the garrison and a blue dwagon soars over the walls as three decrypted archons follow Ansom to one side. Far from the action, Wanda Firebaugh sits on her sourmander wearing black and red armor, Arkenpliers on her hip.|||
|Narrator: This option was only made possible by his Chief Croakamancer, Wanda Firebaugh.|||
Wanda sits astride her sourmander, Arkenpliers now in hand. Her armor is seemingly leather; her leggings are red with vertical black stripes, the top is red with vertical red strips with black studs, open in the middle to expose a little inner cleavage, the two sides connected by three black strips. The armor is accentuated with metal codpiece, bracers, and shoulder pads. The shoulder pads bear three large spikes, and the bracers have several smaller ones. The suit is capped with a black skull-helmet, the teeth of which sit across her forehead, and which has two long black horns curving down off her head. Wanda's long black hair drapes over her sourmander, and her pale blue eyes stare passionlessly at the scene before her.Behind her floats several dwagons; a pink, a yellow, a red, a brown, and a blue; and nine archons, most in the 50s dance fighting dresses, two in the standard flight attendant raiment.
|Narrator: Fulfilling a bit of Predictamancy from long ago, Wanda recovered the Arkenpliers after the battle.|||
|With a wave of the Arkenpliers, Wanda sends three archons soaring toward the city. The Battle Bear is weakening the structure of the outer walls where Unaroyal's defenders have collected. In the distance, a red dwagon menaces the garrison while in the foreground, two decrypted pikers wait behind rank upon rank of infantry.|||
|Attuning to the pliers allowed her to "Decrypt" the fallen enemies, restoring them to life and placing them under her complete control.|||
|Ansom stands on a battlement within a city, hands on hips, cape waving in the breeze, with his carpet floating beside him. He is looking down upon the aftermath of a battle. There are several croaked bodies visible on the wall behind him and in the city beneath him. In the middle distance, just inside the city wall, a building burns, while another is a blackened shell and a third has a corner torn apart.|||
They recaptured Gobwin Knob's lost territory.And fought all the way to Expository Bridge, the last point defending Jetstone's capital city.
|A gray bridge with patches of green stands across a river. On the near side of the bridge, the nose of a pink dwagon can be seen. On the far side are a large number of Jetstone radish-shaped tents, with a city visible in the distance beyond them. In the middle of the bridge stand three figures, too indistinct to make out; from context, they are presumably Ansom, Ossomer, and Tramennis.|||
|Narrator: Currently the site of an awkward family reunion.|||
- ^ The "Shocker" is a hand sign that is representative of a... lovemaking technique.