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Maui Zowie!
Jed the Head
Spacerock City
Race: Temple
Faction: Gobwin Knob
Special: Sentinel

Proposed Canon

Go give an order to a cloud. If the cloud obeys you, then I will.

First appearance: Hvs.tCF 53

Jed is an awakened tower with golem-like qualities. It was reconstructed from the Tower of Jenga shortly after Parson Gotti upgraded the city of Spacerock.

Stanley the Tool lives in Jed's hat. The Jed Eye Knights live behind Jed's eyes.

In his experiments with caster links, Parson wanted to see if a Dirtamancy/Dollamancy caster link could turn a tower into some form of enormous golem. During the link-up, Sizemore, Ace Hardware, and Maggie agreed that, due to the intrinsic nature of the tower, it would be impossible to imbue the tower with motion. But they also realized that other possibilities were open to them. They discovered that towers actually have primitive minds, and they were able to awaken Jed into sentience.

Using Dirtamancy and Dollamancy's power to build golems and reshape cities, they were then able to let the tower pick out a new appearance for itself. Among other things, the tower remodeled Stanley's office to have a tiki bar and a hot tub.

The tower is now able to manage itself and see to its occupants' needs. It takes an active role in managing the defense of the city, being aware of what units are present in and around Spacerock and suggesting additions to Stanley.

Jed is currently known to have the following abilities:

  • Speech, through internal heads and masks as well as its external mouth.
  • Manipulate the faces of its many masks.
  • Highlight items within itself with a white aura.
  • Observe its occupants and sense their mood.
  • At the bar, suggest cocktail-recipes.
  • Unspecified elemental powers it can use to protect the city.
  • Sense that the Juggle Elves were using destructive foraging in Rightshoring territory.
  • Transmit Maggie Thinkagrams.
  • Steal juice from The Source for Maggie.
  • Steal more juice to build up Parson's H-strings and yank him back to Erf.Erf-b3-p299Same-site.PNG
  • Fill Stanley's office with water, and open a large dilating door in the top of its hat.Erf-b3-p298Same-site.PNG
  • Drain the water from Stanley's office.Erf-b3-p308Same-site.PNG
  • Speak directly with other Temples via the Source using Signs instead of Language.Erf-b3-p309Same-site.PNG
  • Sense that its portal column's collar was broken.Erf-b3-p217Same-site.PNG

Despite its intelligence, it does not qualify as a unit, nor is it subject to orders.Hvs.tCF 252

Stanley can detect no upkeep for the new structure, and Parson's attempts to view its stats through the 3D Glasses are evocative but uninformative.

Jed's words

Jed uses his own set of words when referring to people and things. They are various words and phrases from the Hawaiian language. This table is roughly in the order that the words appear within Erfworld.

Name Person / Thing rough translation
Kahuna Ruler (Stanley) chief, leader, caretaker
Wahine woman (first used about Bonnie) woman
Makuahine Maggie mother
Kanakanui Parson powerful man
Kilo Honua Sizemore, Dirtamancer the one who observes/studies earth
Makaleka Maggie hide doll Hawaiian female given name, a variant of "Margaret"; also a series of Hawaiian souvenir dolls
kipi dirty trick, treason dirty trick, treason
Kahuna Kolohe Charlie mischievous chief, chief rascal
Kahuna 'ea Wanda Firebaugh chief/priest that could raise the dead
okole butt butt
chee pono All right! expression of satisfaction, gratification or elation
mahalo Thank you Thank you
kaakaua war maneuvers maneuvers of army in time of battle
kanaka kolohe rogue rogue, rascal
kukui candlenut candlenut
kohu 'ole nonsense not matching, unsuitable, ridiculous, absurd, inappropriate, of poor taste, nonsense
pilikia problems problems
Kapikala Akua Jed, or other awakened tower Kapikala = City, Capital; Akua = Godly
kaula rope rope, cable, bridle
aouli sky sky, heaven
Kanaka human human, man
hewa haumia dirty trick immoral
Kilo Wahahe'e Jack, Foolamancer Kilo = the one, who observes/studies something; Wahahe'e = liar, false, deceitful
Lāhui Side breed, species
maawe ho'one'e upkeep string maawe = strap; ho'one'e = move, indication of where words should be moved to (Turnamancy?)
Kilo Mana'o Thinkamancer Kilo = the one, who observes/studies something; Mana'o = thought, idea, belief
maawe aloha H-string love connection, heart string
mana juice mana
huhu angry angry; should be spelled Huhū
kapu forbidden taboo, prohibition
aloha 'āina Loyalty patriotism
pū'ali 'ānela holy warrior pū'ali = warrior, army, tightened waistband; 'ānela = angel
Kilo Ki'i Ace Hardware, Dollamancer Kilo = the one, who observes/studies something; Ki'i = image, statue, doll
Kamāli'i Kāne Ansom prince
Kahuna Kauali'i Stanley Kahuna = chief, leader; Kauali'i = commoner raised to chieftainship by the king (not royal)
akamai genius smart, intelligent, skilled
Wahine Lele Bonnie Wahine = woman; Lele = to fly, jump, etc.
Menehune Nunui Zhopa Menehune = goblin, legendary small race of night workers; Nunui = large, great
Kupuna "the Source" source, starting point
He mea iki you're welcome you're welcome, a small thing
'ano 'ē strange strange, odd, unusual, different, uncomfortable


The tower has largely been described in archetypal terms.



Archeologists think that in Real World ancient Polynesian religion, objects like the Moai were believed to be magically charged with mana. Perhaps Jed the Head has its own juice pool rather than being filled with spells by casters.

Real World References

The tower is shaped like the Moai of Easter Island.

A Djed pillar is an ancient Egyptian symbol representing stability; it was often combined with a pair of eyes in hieroglyphics to represent Osiris.

The name Jed means "Friend of God".

Jed sprinkles its speech with Hawaiian words.