Descriptive Table of Contents

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Book 1

Day 1

  1. Title page: Giant Elvii create the world; Marbits buy extra troops
  2. Page 2: Manpower the Temporary bites it, tastes key lime pie; Wanda introduced, her bad day gets worse
  3. Page 3: Wanda returns to Gobwin Knob via dwagon
  4. Page 4: Bogroll, Stanley introduced; former demonstrates lack of guile; latter busts a nut
  5. Page 5: Wanda & Stanley talk strategy; Wanda brings up summoning spell
  6. Page 6: Stanley orders Wanda to buy spell & cast it herself; Bogroll lives up to his name
  7. Page 7: Jillian, Ansom introduced; Ansom makes pass at Jillian
  8. Page 8: Night falls; Ansom discusses scouting with/continues to make passes at Jillian; Jillian bivouacs in the open field

Day 2

  1. Page 9: Jillian goes scouting; "ORLY?"
  2. Page 10: Jillian hits a target of opportunity; Webinar, Dora introduced, sent after Jillian
  3. Page 11: Sizemore introduced, found flaking with hippiemancers, scolded by Wanda
  4. Page 12: Jillian captured by dwagons; "OMGWTFBBQ!"
  5. Page 13: Wanda & Sizemore beam back to Gobwin Knob; Sizemore makes crap golems
  6. Page 14: Parson introduced; works at Kinko's; checks Hamstard's hitcount
  7. Page 15: Parson eats gwiffon for breakfast, gives grandiose game intro
  8. Page 16: Ashna questions Parson's health; PLOT happens
  9. Page 17: Stanley & Wanda go Tron; Stanley continues to make unreasonable demands; Parson arrives in Erfworld
  10. Page 18: Parson gets a headache, swears a lot
  11. Page 19: Stanley & Parson debate Wanda's assertion that he is alive; Parson stands up
  12. Page 20: Stanley declares himself a tool
  13. Page 21: Arkenpliers first seen; Ansom addresses his war council; Elf subraces revealed to be plentiful
  14. Page 22: Elven parade continues; Vinny introduced; Arkenpliers formally revealed; Ansom demonstrates overconfidence
  15. Page 23: Parson compelled to laugh at Stanley's bad jokes; Parson recognizes Gobwin Knob
  16. Page 24: Parson declared Lord Hamster; Wanda excused to pursue her hobbies
  17. Page 25: Webinar engages spidews, loses cloth golem
  18. Page 26: Parson & Stanley discuss dwagons & stupid names
  19. Page 27: Wanda changes clothes; Parson introduced to uncroaked warlords; Manpower craves pie
  20. Page 28: Mung introduced; Wanda reveals white leather fetish; Mung stands at attention
  21. Page 29: Stanley unknowingly imitates Vizzini; Bogroll reports as lackey retainer to Parson
  22. Page 30: Jillian asks for the very easy way, gets the very hard way
  23. Page 31: Parson insinuates that Stanley is evil; Stanley reacts poorly
  24. Page 32: Stanley orders Parson not to speak, reveals expectation of Arkenpliers
  25. Page 33: Stanley gives Parson an eyebook; Parson contacted by Sizemore
  26. Page 34: Ansom & Vinny discuss Stanley's rise to power; Webinar finds Jillian's items; Ansom calls Charlie
  27. Page 35: Parson learns about magic from Sizemore
  28. Page 36: Sizemore takes Parson's crap; Wanda finishes interrogating Jillian, shifts to girl-talk

Day 3

  1. Page 37: Bogroll presents Parson with his armor
  2. Parson's Klog #1: Parson's Klog, birthdate 12/7/1982: Parson shares feelings on Erfworld; Hamstard invents the lipid golem.
  3. Page 38: Jillian blushes, breaks down; Wanda hypnotizes Mung
  4. Parson's Klog #2: Parson's Klog: Magic theory
  5. Parson's Klog #3: Parson's Klog: Strategery!
  6. Page 39: Parson gets a Stupid Meal; Arkentools numbered at four
  7. Page 40: Parson & Stanley continue verbal sparring; Wanda manipulates them both
  8. Parson's Klog #4: Parson's Klog: Parson laments difficulty learning about combat; some system tidbits revealed; Bogroll's stats revealed
  9. Page 41: Wanda releases Jillian; plan to lure Ansom out revealed; Wanda gets creepiness on
  10. Page 42: Charlie's Archons introduced, ally with Jetstone; Vinny persuades Ansom not to personally rescue Jillian
  11. Page 43: Parson & Wanda react to the failed plan; Wanda advises Parson on dealing with His Toolship; Wanda confused by childhood
  12. Parson's Klog #5: Parson's Klog: More combat system lamentations & tidbits on unit construction
  13. Page 44: Night passes with a Shakespearean sonnet; Parson gets an idea
  14. Page 45: Misty (the lookamancer) introduced; Parson tries to order nighttime troop movements; Misty protests
  15. Page 46: Parson's plan is shot down; Misty's name revealed, tries to help
  16. Parson's Klog #6: Parson's Klog: Critical combat info, and a plan of action
  17. Page 47: Wanda chews Parson out for messing with the eyemancers, resigns herself to placating Stanley; Parson's plan made sweeter by Ansom's lack of intel

Day 4

  1. Page 48: Wanda helps Stanley "relax"; Dwagons begin the attack
  2. Page 49: Bat*21 swallowed; Parson has fun as a dispatcher; "Leeeeeeroy..."
  3. Page 50: Jillian reunites with gwiffons, prepares to leave; dwagons wreak havoc on battle bears and tower
  4. Page 51: Jillian argues with Webinar over leaving; Webinar appeals to Ansom via Charlie's Archons' Thinkagram
  5. Page 52: Ansom celebrates "victories"... outlook reversed by unit reports
  6. Page 53: Parson interrupts Sizemore's dirtamancy, discusses Misty situation over EyeM
  7. Page 54: Parson & Sizemore discuss mathamancy, Parson's wristwatch, & the eyemancers
  8. Page 55: Parson explains his combat moves to Stanley
  9. Page 56: Ansom & Vinny plan their response
  10. Page 57: Ansom shows he has an Evel side; stack one buys the farm
  11. Page 58: Ansom decides to go all in... literally
  12. Page 59: Ansom & company defeat the three dwagons; center hex revealed to contain trees, and little else
  13. Page 60: Parson reveals the full scope of his plan; Stanley takes the credit
  14. Page 61: Ansom and Vinny discuss implications of an empty center hex, charge anyway; Wanda mentions "veiling" of units, shocks Parson
  15. Page 62: Vinny presents two options: The Flight (through a ring of dwagon breath) and The Stand; Ansom chooses third: The Hunt
  16. Page 63: Jillian ditches Webinar & Dora, departs to search for dwagons; called "mean" by an Archon; agrees
  17. Page 64: Parson & Sizemore worry about Wanda's control of Jillian; Wanda gets defensive; Stanley pours over map; Jillian advances to hex adjacent to wounded dwagons
  18. Page 65: Jillian rationalizes abandoning hunt to self, Archons as saving Ansom from own ideal, locates wounded dwagons anyway; one Archon named (Jaclyn)
  19. Page 66: Parson et al. continue to argue about Wanda's spell upon Jillian; Jillian begins to rationalize not attacking.
  20. Page 67: Jaclyn elaborates on Wanda's spell over Jillian, against other Archons' wishes; Jillian admits to liking being part of Wanda's machinations; Jaclyn suggests Jillian phones a friend
  21. Page 68: Ansom & Vinny discuss the possibility that Jillian has betrayed them; Jillian sends Ansom a scathing thinkagram, but promises to croak some dwagons
  22. Page 69: Jillian begins the assault; Archons blast/vaporize/slice 'n' dice one dwagon each, pose for camera
  23. Page 70: Jillian jumps onto Leeroy's dwagon, headshots Leeroy; Parson orders remaining units to croak Jillian
  24. Page 71: Wanda opposes croaking Jillian; Stanley supports it; Manpower's kill (and uncroakness) yoinked by Ansom's Arkenpliers; Ansom & Jillian share a smile; Vinny croaks a dwagon with a kick
  25. Page 72: Stanley blows a microchip, orders Parson, Sizemore, and Wanda out of his sight; Wanda blows a microchip, becomes catatonic; Stanley orders all field units back to Gobwin Knob, eyemancers to unlink
  26. Page 73: Ansom & Vinny contemplate the day's victories & the next day's hardships; Vinny gets his Fonzie on with battle-damaged Archons; Jillian bivouacs with Ansom on his carpet
  27. Page 74: Parson and Sizemore discuss their various possible fates, discover that Bogroll took Parson's order to pretend to be him a bit too seriously

Day 5

  1. Page 75: Stanley attempts to restore one of the eyemancers to sanity, orders Mung to assemble the knights at dawn ("in full paint"); Sizemore attempts to dissuade Bogroll from waking Parson, waking Parson in the process
  2. Page 76: Parson berates Sizemore, relates intent to confront Stanley; Knights In Stanley's Service (KISS) assemble in courtyard
  3. Page 77: Stanley departs Gobwin Knob with the foolamancer, three knights, and remaining dwagons; Parson finds Misty, apparently croaked
  4. Parson's Klog #7: Parson's Klog: Stupid unit roster; Misty confirmed croaked
  5. Parson's Klog #8: Parson's Klog: Parson ponders the reality, unreality, cuteness, and tragicness of Erfworld
  6. Page 78: Parson inspects the tunnels, reflects on puns, possibility of being hospitalized in "real world"
  7. Page 79: Parson attempts to wake self, fails; Sizemore recounts Stanley's rise to power
  8. Parson's Klog #9: Parson's Klog: Sizemore making the tunnels more defensible; alliances, royals, and divine mandate
  9. Page 80: Ansom & Vinny review Jillian's claim to know Stanley's actions
  10. Page 81: "Veiled" dwagons appear as blimps; Jillian prepares to relate her back story
  11. Page 82: Jillian Zamussels mutually hated her liege, King Banhammer of Faq; Jillian identifies salad fork and eyeball fork as one and the same
  12. Page 83: Jillian confirms Wanda worked for Faq; Ansom fails to see past Jillian's lineage
  13. Page 84: Maggie (the thinkamancer) introduced; Parson debriefs her, learns that Wanda's condition & Misty's death resulted from thinkamancy spell-failure backlash
  14. Parson's Klog #10: Parson's Klog: Dirtamancers boost golems, croakamancers boost undead; natural thinkamancy inhibits free will?
  15. Page 85: Bedtime; Bogroll's greatest ambition: to save Parson's life

Day 6

  1. Page 86: Veiled dwagons de-spoof; Parson receives a sword ricasso with breakfast; "Subway" wrapper lists Royal Crown Coalition makeup
  2. Page 87: Sizemore hits scouting Marbit stack with "excessive force" (four hard-rock golems)
  3. Page 88: Arkendish named, located with Charlie; Parson & Maggie contact Charlie; Parson references All Your Base, Mork & Mindy
  4. Page 89: Parson offers Charlie his wristwatch/mathamancy bracer; dwagons re-veil as parade balloons
  5. Page 90: Ansom & advisers discuss implications of rock golems' attack on scouts; Jillian & Vinny dress as greasers, anticipating dance fighting; Charlie rejects Parson's offer, assures him that he will survive the battle; Parson plans one more thinkagram
  6. Page 91: Parson "calls" Ansom, denounces royalty as obsolete; Ansom makes a scene in front of alliance leadership; "superior" Stanley strangles foolamancer in outrage
  7. Page 92: Parson bluffs about allying with alliance members, spoofs Dr. Evil; Stanley interrupts Parson's call, asking how to fix foolamancer; foolamancer's name forgotten by Stanley, unknown by Maggie
  8. Page 93: Ansom & Vinny exchange angry stares over Ansom's fit; Ansom gives Jillian & Vinny their orders, to break their alliance in order to change the turn order; Jillian quotes Grease
  9. Page 94: Jillian's flight approaches the tower of Efdup unchallenged; Jillian confronts a (somewhat) recovered Wanda; orly: O HAI
  10. Page 95: Jillian prompts Wanda to defect, plans to slay Stanley when Wanda refuses; Jaclyn warns that Wanda is free of loyalty spells; Wanda casts several cheat codes and AGGROs
  11. Page 96: Jaclyn's, Pegataurs' flesh burned from their bones (apparently they failed their saving throws)
  12. Page 97: Ansom charges Webinar with command of Jetstone & Marbit forces (and only Jetstone & Marbit forces) in the tunnels
  13. Page 98: Parson explains that unlike Stanley, he still values Wanda after her failure; Wanda, speech-impaired, begins raising fallen Archons
  14. Page 99: Parson's Klog #11: Parson's Klog: Parson explains Gobwin Knob's defensive zones, speculates upon Ansom's plan, implies that he has a plan of his own
  15. Page 100: Parson's Klog #12: Parson's Klog: Parson believes Wanda's loyalties still lie with Gobwin Knob; cities without a leader freeze in time unless/until attacked; Parson resolves to play the fight out rather than surrender
  16. Page 101: Vinny explains the plan to his boss, the Don; we see a preview of the battle to come, with dance fighting
  17. Page 102: Parsons plan relies on Ansom waiting until his forces are assembled (a fairly safe bet, knowing Ansom); Charlie hacks Parson's eyebook, proposes a business deal; Coalition forces surround the walls
  18. Page 103: Ansom's allies dissent over Ansom's inaction; Ansom justifies himself; Parson experiments with what he can say without being censored
  19. Page 104: Parson plans to order the casters to the Magic Kingdom should the battle go south; Sizemore worries not for his own life but for the lives of those he is ordered to kill, hates Parson for it
  20. Page 105: Parson asks Wanda not to leave to help Stanley, reveals his bargain with Charlie to abandon Vinny in exchange for 12 calculations - the first two of which concerned a (hypothetical?) attack on GK by Charlie; Parson feels played, is glad that Wanda doesn't laugh

Day 7

  1. Caesar Borgata and company join with Jillian's stack, relieve her; Maggie casts "Ephedra" on Parson to clear his mind; Charlie's Archons arrive at GK, taking the first turn of the day; Charlie asks Parson up to the parapet
  2. Parson rebuffs Charlie, giving his chances of not losing the city within one turn at 58.9%; Charlie leaves his archons in place, "to assist if necessary"
  3. Parson receives the rest of his sword in his breakfast Luckamancy Charms; sword's functions explained: leadership, combat, & ruthlessness
  4. Caesar was sent to compensate for lack of archons; Faq used Jack, the foolamancer, to stay hidden from Transylvito and others; Parson learned Jack's name from Wanda, orders Sizemore to begin liquid and gas traps, Maggie to contact Jack
  5. Parson contacts the foolamancer, one Jack Snipe; in the tunnels, golems mix an unknown powder ("REDUX"), set off a flaming liquid trap ("FITH") near Webinar's regiment
  6. Parson's efforts to snap Jack back to reality are apparently in vain; Parson sends gobwins into tunnels, to attack infantry and corral heavies & warlords
  7. Stanley tries to appeal to Jack's sense of self-preservation to cast a real veil, while flying into the Doombats' trap; decides to punch through
  8. Webinar finds Sizemore; Parson sends in the remaining knights, riding spidews; Doombats sing West Side Story; Stanley air-guitars with Arkenhammer, sings KISS
  9. Webinar and Dora confront Sizemore; Sizemore heals a golem, which PKs Dora and Webinar; Sizemore laments, reports the rout; Parson discovers a new uncensored word: "Hosed, hosed, hosed!"
  10. Vinny breaks down the odds - unled bats are weak, but with Caesar, the chief warlord for Transylvito, in the hex, they are more formidable; Stanley Van de Graffs Caesar; Jillian recognizes Jack, and Jack, Jillian
  11. Jillian and gwiffons engage Stanley, croaking his mount; Jillian implores Jack to turn; Stanley flies himself and Jack up with Arkenhammer while Jack, restored to sanity, casts a veil
  12. Jillian and co search for Stanley, discover that croaked dwagon is a fake; Stanley and Jack, still mounted, escape hex
  13. Unable to read the Titans' will, Stanley takes Jack's suggestion to return to Gobwin Knob; uncroaked units' strength depends on the effort spent creating them; many units can be uncroaked together, but they'll be weak; Wanda uncroaks 1000+ Jetstone infantry
  14. Parson's Klog: Parson explains the layout of the garrison, meditates on having caused the deaths of so many enemy troops, the effect of that on Sizemore, and his responsibility to his own men
  15. The coalition is demoralized by Parson's new reinforcements, but Ansom pulls them back together, gets reckless with his statuesque keister to punch a hole through the uncroaked on the wall
  16. Ansom fights uncroaked alone; siege units attack walls; Archons watch
  17. Parson tries to out-guess Charlie, sends Wanda with uncroaked fliers to attack Ansom; Wanda stutters through battle song
  18. Wanda locks Ansom's Arkenpliers, Webinar knocks them from his grasp, and him from his carpet; Ansom enters contract negotiations with an Archon
  19. Ansom accepts Charlie's outrageous terms; Archons destroy all fliers in hex; Wanda is shielded (though her mount is not)
  20. Wanda hovers on death's door as Ansom dives, retrieves pliers, monologues; Wanda dares him to touch her with them; Ansom declines; Sizemore and golems arrive from below to safeguard Wanda; Ansom returns to fight at wall
  21. Sizemore takes Wanda to the dungeon to heal her; Parson outlines his latest tactic to Maggie; Parson relocates command to dungeon to personally inspect Wanda's "private stash" - and prepare for battle
  22. Sizemore finds various magic spells in Wanda's stash; the casters challenge Parson's status as Perfect Warlord; Parson lectures them about strategy; the coalition troops at the courtyard gates
  23. Parson explains combat bonuses, gives battle instructions to the casters; Ansom and the coalition warlords argue whether they should wait for the next turn or press the assault
  24. Ansom gives battle instructions to the coalition troops; Sizemore and his golems attack two coalition warlords with Shockmancy; a crap golem explodes
  25. The coalition troops break into the courtyard; Parson tells Bogroll that they still have a chance; Wanda leads uncroaked infantry into a dance-fight
  26. The uncroaked inflict massive losses on the coalition infantry; Ansom negotiates with Archons; Archons relay directions for a dance-fight to the coalition troops
  27. Parson orders a concentrated attack on Ansom; Maggie disrupts some Archons; the courtyard wall is down; Parson orders a general retreat into the dungeon; Parson gives Bogroll a mission
  28. Parson contact Charlie and asks for a truce to surrender; Charlie reveals that he wants to get Parson and his bracer; Ansom flies up to the tower parapet to accept Parson's surrender
  29. Ansom taunts surrendering Parson; Parson is revealed to be Bogroll in disguise; Bogroll knocks Ansom off his flying carpet and they fall down
  30. Ansom and Bogroll are croaked; Parson orders Sizemore to collapse the tower and dungeons; Sizemore wrecks as much of Gobwin Knob as possible
  31. Parson and remaining troops prepare for a last stand in the dungeon; a few enemy units break in, but are dispatched; Parson orders the casters into the Portal Room
  32. Parson offers the casters to use the portal; they tell him Duty demands that he does not give up; Parson orders the casters to link up and uncroak the volcano
  33. The casters magically merge their minds; Wanda and Sizemore uncroak the volcano together
  34. Parson orders the casters into the portal; Charlie tries to make a deal; Parson runs into the portal
  35. The volcano erupts; coalition troops die in a fire
  36. Vinny tells Jillian they are not going after Stanley; Caesar tells them that all coalition troops at Gobwin are destroyed; Jillian leaps at Caesar at the news of Ansom's death
  37. Vinny tells Caesar to back off; Vinny tries to console Jillian; they share a moment of grief
  38. Parson is opposed by casters in the Magic Kingdom and gets Vulcan Nerve Pinched; Janis calls for Thinkamancers to break the link between Maggie, Sizemore and Wanda
  39. Sizemore complains to Janis about Parson; Janis urges Sizemore to help and teach Parson, suggests that Parson may bring peace to Erfworld
  40. Parson and the casters are forced to return to Gobwin Knob; they find it in ruins; Sizemore finds gems; Wanda finds the Arkenpliers and attunes to them
  41. Parson muses on death and destruction that he caused; Wanda dismisses his complaints and digs up Ansom's corpse

Day 8

  1. Stanley is on his way to Gobwin Knob; new turn starts; a dwagon pops up; Wanda reanimates Ansom with the Arkenpliers
  2. Ansom's stats, zealotry prove to have survived decryption; Wanda turns the Arkenpliers on the rest of the army
  3. Arkenpliers' limits tested; Bogroll confirmed to be Killed Off For Real; Wanda expresses gratitude-like emotion
  4. Wanda answers long-standing Faq FAQs, commiserates about Fate; Parson appears unconvinced
  5. Parson tosses gems around, discusses monstrosities, Thinkamancy with Maggie