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Proposed Canon

Golems are magically animated Units. Frequently they are humanoid, but this is not a requirement. If a golem is destroyed, the remains can still be salvaged by a caster of the appropriate discipline.

Dollamantic Golems

An LFN and G-RAF cloth golem, along with two Battle Bears and other RCC units.

First Appearance: TBFGK 10

Dollamancy golems come in a variety of forms, including Cloth Golems and Action Figures. They are built by, repaired by and receive combat bonuses from Dollamancers. Some Dollamancy units, such as Cloth Golems, can be further subdivided into individual types. Cloth Golems have the appearance of oversized stuffed animals, while Tchotchkes have the appearance of glass animals. Some, but not all, Dollamancy golems are heavy units.

Different Dollamancers appear to have preferences for a specific type of golem. Holly Shortcake was well known as a Dollamancer who created many cloth golems. Ace Hardware, on the other hand, prefers Action Figures.

According to Ace Hardware, Battle Bears and LFNs take multiple turns to assemble and it is likely that this limitation applies to other cloth golems as well.

Known Users


Dirtamantic Golems

Dirtamantic Golems are created by Dirtamancers out of various earthen materials - stones, rocks, metal, and, erm, "soil," or Crap. They can be healed by and receive bonuses from Dirtamancers. Known types include Crap, Metal, and Rock (Soft, Hard, and Acid).

Known Users


  • Crap golems are a mass of crap animated by the might of Dirtamancy. By using shockamancy (possibly to detonate latent methane), they may detonate in a violent explosion.
  • Metal golems are golems made of metal looking like a "heavy metal" musician. Most likely the most powerful Dirtamancy Golem introduced thus far.
  • Rock golems
    • Acid rock golems is a golem made of stone, looking like a "Disco" or "Psychedelic" era musician when people frequently went on LSD or "Acid" trips. It also has psychedelic patterns running through it.
    • Hard rock golems is a golem made of stone in the shape of a Rock Musician.
    • Soft rock golems are golems similar to a hard rock golem, but presumably less powerful. It looks like artists from the famous band the Beatles, who were known for relatively "soft" rock.

Hat Magic Golems

Known Users


  • Snow golems - The only known example was made of only three large balls of snow, with sticks for arms and small black rocks for features.


Other Possible Golem Types

There are several units that have not been explicitly been called "golems," but share many of the same characteristics of golems. Scarecrows, Molls, and Dolls are all non-living units that are animated by magic.TBFGK Epilogue 13 However, it is not clear whether they are truly golems, which are created and designed by their caster, or if they fall more properly in the broader category of non-living units that use existing material (like uncroaked units which, while non-living and animated, use the corpses of the croaked as their medium).

Tchotchkes may be golems or may be separate class of unit.

It may be possible to create as yet unseen types of Golems from material such as wood or flesh.

Real World References

The names of the different types of Rock Golems (including Metal Golems) are references to genres of Rock 'n Roll music. Furthermore, the physical shape of each type of golem is reminiscent of the type of music they represent. For instance, in the case of the Soft Rock Golem shown above, the image looks strikingly similar to soft rocker Paul Simon circa 1968.[1] Similarly, four (presumed) Hard Rock Golems shown croaking a stack of marbit bear a striking resemblance to theme-rock band KISS.Erf-b1-p087Same-site.PNG[2] One of the other golems (possibly metal?) was stylized after the Comedian from the graphic novel The Watchmen.

Of the depicted Crap Golems, one is clearly identifiable as a dinosaur, one is a dalek from the television show Doctor Who and another resembles the titular character of the Schlock Mercenary webcomic.[3]

The Snow Golem is a reference to Frosty the Snowman.

The idea of a golem can be traced, through various role-playing game incarnations, to Jewish folktales and folklore describing animated creatures made from dust.