Descriptive Table of Contents
A page-by-page summary of the Story So Far.
See also: Plot Summary, which takes a more prose-based approach.
- 1 Inner Peace (Through Superior Firepower)
- 1.1 Part 1: The Fate of Goodminton
- 1.2 Part 2: Faq's Hope
- 1.2.1 The Field Party
- 1.2.2 Banhammer's Court
- 1.2.3 The WRECD
- 1.2.4 Wanda's Garden
- 1.2.5 On the run
- 1.2.6 Goodminton Revisited
- 1.2.7 Olive's Garden
- 1.2.8 The Emerald City
- 1.2.9 The Last Dawn
- 1.2.10 The Trial of the Thirty Six Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty Five Turns
- 1.2.11 The Garden Burns
- 1.2.12 The Dust Settles
- 2 The Battle for Gobwin Knob
- 2.1 Day 1
- 2.2 Day 2
- 2.3 Day 3
- 2.4 Day 4
- 2.5 Day 5
- 2.6 Day 6
- 2.7 Day 7
- 2.8 Day 8
- 2.9 Day 9
- 2.10 Epilogue
- 3 Love Is a Battlefield
- 3.1 Prologue
- 3.1.1 Turns since TBfGK: 3 (12 AW)
- 3.1.2 Turns since TBfGK: 4 (13 AW)
- 3.1.3 Turns since TBfGK: 8 (17 AW)
- 3.1.4 Turns since TBfGK: 11 (20 AW)
- 3.1.5 Turns since TBfGK: 18 (27 AW)
- 3.1.6 Turns since TBfGK: 19 (28 AW)
- 3.1.7 Turns since TBfGK: 20 (29 AW)
- 3.1.8 Turns since TBfGK: 23 (32 AW)
- 3.1.9 Turns since TBfGK: 24 (33 AW)
- 3.1.10 Turns since TBfGK: 29 (38 AW)
- 3.1.11 Turns since TBfGK: 31 (40 AW)
- 3.1.12 Turns since TBfGK: 38 (47 AW)
- 3.1.13 Turns since TBfGK: 52 (61 AW)
- 3.1.14 Turns since TBfGK: 54 (63 AW)
- 3.1.15 Turns since TBfGK: 55 (64 AW)
- 3.2 Issue 1: Meet the Jetstones
- 3.3 Issue 2: It's Raining Men
- 3.4 Issue 3: Lots of Sects, and Violence
- 3.5 Epilogue
- 3.1 Prologue
- 4 Hamsterdance vs. the Charlie Foxtrot
- 4.1 The Infiltration (76-78 AW)
- 4.2 Faq's Raid (78 AW)
- 4.3 Stanley Strikes Back (79 AW)
- 4.4 The Settling of Dust (79-82 AW)
- 4.5 The 150,000 Shmucker Question
- 4.6 Experimental Architecture
- 4.7 Questions of Thought
- 4.8 Thoughts of Tricks
- 4.9 Meetings and Accommodations
- 4.10 The Battle of Lilith Castle
- 4.11 The Great Escape
- 4.12 Operation: Big Game
- 4.13 The Crisis of Treachery
- 4.14 The Battle of Portal Park
- 4.15 Caster Down
- 4.16 Aftermathamancy
- 4.17 Interrogations
- 4.18 Spacerock Redux
- 4.19 Don's Folly
- 4.20 The Magick Kingdom beckons
- 4.21 Learning from History
- 4.22 Plots of Rescue
- 4.23 Suspicion and Blame
- 4.24 At the Glade
- 4.25 Royal Audience
- 4.26 Nighttime excursions
- 4.27 Spacerock: The Saga Continues
- 4.28 Nocturnal Aftermath
- 4.29 Doll Houses
- 4.30 Conference Call
- 4.31 Executive Cell
- 4.32 Head Office
- 4.33 From Cells to Majesty
- 4.34 The Dirtamansion
- 4.35 The Cells, the Cells
- 4.36 Soon...
- 4.37 Now...
- 4.38 The Great Escape Redux
- 4.39 Chaos and Doom
- 4.40 The Swarm
- 4.41 Lugbúrz
Inner Peace (Through Superior Firepower)
Book 0 : The story before Parson enters Erfworld.
Part 1: The Fate of Goodminton
- Episode 1: A new Firebaugh is born.
- Episode 2: Wanda attends Temple.
- Episode 3: Wanda meets the rest of the family.
- Episode 4: Wanda volunteers for active Duty.
- Episode 5: Wanda gets bawdy.
- Episode 7: Wanda learns to play dice.
- Episode 8: The dice explain luck.
- Episode 9: Wanda's fate is to choose flowers over fire.
- Episode 10: Firebaugh fires Delphie Temple, embraces Wanda.
- Episode 12: A hippie tells the atomic bomb to chillaxe.
- Episode 13: Olive branch causes uncroaked to smile.
- Episode 14: Wanda wants to escape Haffaton's grasp, so Tommy hatches a plan.
- Episode 15: Wanda refuses to bed with the enemy.
- Episode 16: Wanda contemplates the merits and risks of love and chocolate.
- Episode 17: Neither Wanda nor Olive turn, but Frenemy and Quisling do.
- Episode 18: Wanda grieves in her own way.
- Episode 19: Wanda goes Hat Magic.
- Episode 20: Wanda comes up with a capital leveler, Minnow Tower rises up over the capitol level, Delphie levels up, and Quisling and Frenemy give up on leveling the capitol.
- Episode 21: Wanda visits Magic Kingdom, meets old new friends.
- Episode 22: Wanda asks Dice to choose Fate or Luck. He answers with Love.
- Episode 23: Wanda gets dolled up.
- Episode 24: Wanda predicts her Fate.
Part 2: Faq's Hope
The Field Party
- Episode 27: Jillian is alive!
- Episode 28: Jillian tells a Christian to turn the other cheek.
- Episode 29: Jillian is told to come home.
- Episode 30: Jillian comes home.
- Episode 31: Battle of a different sort.
- Episode 32: Banhammer reveals his plan.
- Episode 33: Jillian counters with her own plan.
- Episode 34: Jillian shocks the shockamancer.
- Episode 35: Without real war, the Wonderful Royal Expeditionary Company of Doom contents itself with Air War.
- Episode 36: The die is cast in Diecast.
- Episode 37: After checking herself out in a mirror, Jillian rides the light rail.
- Episode 38: Jillian gets her freak on, is seen, gets freaked out, flees the scene.
- Episode 39: Wanda shows off her garden.
- Episode 40: Wanda tells Jillian about the paths.
- Episode 41: Wanda wanders off, and Jillian's stomach growls.
- Episode 42: 120 turns of Wanda
- Episode 43: Wanda talks about why, and Jillian talks about who.
On the run
- Episode 44: Steamboat Jilly
- Episode 45: Jillian gets high on a Dwagon, and the Dwagon gets high on elves.
- Episode 46: Jillian gets wet with three archons.
- Episode 47: Jillian visits Goodminton.
- Episode 48: Jillian doesn't find any traps, just caps and maps, and a blast from the past from a certain cast(er).
- Episode 49: After much hugging Gillian and Olive play catch.
- Episode 50: A yellow brick road is followed to an Emerald City.
- Episode 51: After a Jester fails catastrophically, the mean ol' Wizard of Erf is spoken of.
- Episode 52: A Florist shows her fangs as the Fate of Faq is revealed.
- Episode 53: Wanda sadly speaks and plucks.
- Episode 54: The yellow brick road is revisited.
The Emerald City
- Episode 55: An audience requests an audience.
- Episode 56: A ceremonial crowning takes a turn for the worse.
- Episode 57: A discussion of sorcery is quite rudely interrupted.
- Episode 58: The King of Wisdom acts unwisely and the Queen of Life drains more life.
- Episode 59: Determined to prevent Nookie at all costs, the Chief Warlord of Faq interrupts a discussion.
The Last Dawn
- Episode 60: Banhammer asks his court to turn.
- Episode 61: How did you get the Arkenshoes?!
- Episode 62: Judy prefers Kansas to Olive Garden and sword beats axe.
- Episode 63: When life gave Jillian Lemon Jefferson, Jack gave her lemon-aid
- Episode 64: Jillian loses a prisoner, but gains a Capital.
- Episode 65: Olive gets served with a Side of marshmallow.
The Trial of the Thirty Six Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty Five Turns
- Episode 66: The trial begins.
- Episode 67: Feeling magnanimous, Wanda offers Olive an invitation.
- Episode 68: Mortism leads a phonecall.
- Episode 69: If you're nasty and you know it and you really want to show it...
- Episode 70: Two girls, one Jester.
The Garden Burns
The Dust Settles
- Episode 73: Innocence is found in death.
- Episode 74: Faq is reborn.
- Episode 75: Jillian is offered the Deal of a Lifetime.
- Episode 76: Jillian beats the "beat Jillian personally" special.
- Episode 77: A swiss army sword detects a hidden door.
- Episode 78: Jillian plans Faq's withdrawal, and Wanda goes into withdrawal.
- Jillian focuses on the warlord-y aspects of her Duty, while Faq's Court resumes business as usual. In trying to comfort Wanda, Jillian finds out that Charlie used to use the Buds, and may have a cure.
- Episode 79: Boys and their Toys.
- Jillian agrees to the Deal of a Lifetime if Charlie fixes Wanda. While she offends Betsy by asking for help, Charlie takes the opportunity to play as the Wizard one last time.
- Episode 80: Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
- Jillian and Wanda discuss the Deal, their cravings, and the gardens. Jillian decides to force the issue with Charlie and makes one final demand: destroy his own Buds.
- Episode 81: Jillian worse than croaks.
The Battle for Gobwin Knob
Book 1 : Parson is summoned as 'Perfect Warlord', to defend Gobwin Knob.
- Title page: Giant Elvii create the world; Marbits buy extra troops and breach the right flank
- Page 2: Manpower the Temporary bites it, tastes key lime pie; Wanda introduced, her bad day gets worse
- Page 3: Wanda returns to Gobwin Knob via dwagon
- Page 4: Bogroll, Stanley introduced; former demonstrates lack of guile; latter busts a nut
- Page 5: Wanda & Stanley talk strategy; Wanda brings up summoning spell
- Page 6: Stanley orders Wanda to buy spell & cast it herself; Bogroll lives up to his name
- Page 7: Jillian, Ansom introduced; Ansom makes pass at Jillian
- Page 8: Night falls; Ansom discusses scouting with/continues to make passes at Jillian; Jillian bivouacs in the open field
- Page 9: Jillian goes scouting; "ORLY?"
- Page 10: Jillian hits a target of opportunity; Webinar, Dora introduced, sent after Jillian
- Page 11: Sizemore introduced, found flaking with hippiemancers, scolded by Wanda
- Page 12: Jillian captured by dwagons; "OMGWTFBBQ!" []
- Page 13: Wanda & Sizemore beam back to Gobwin Knob; Sizemore makes crap golems
- Page 14: Parson introduced; works at Kinko's; checks Hamstard's hitcount
- Page 15: Parson eats gwiffon for breakfast, gives grandiose game intro
- Page 16: Ashna questions Parson's health; PLOT happens
- Page 17: Stanley & Wanda go Tron; Stanley continues to make unreasonable demands; Parson arrives in Erfworld
- Page 18: Parson gets a headache, swears a lot
- Page 19: Stanley & Parson debate Wanda's assertion that he is alive; Parson stands up
- Page 20: Stanley declares himself a tool
- Page 21: Arkenpliers first seen; Ansom addresses his war council; Elf subraces revealed to be plentiful
- Page 22: Elven parade continues; Vinny introduced; Arkenpliers formally revealed; Ansom demonstrates overconfidence
- Page 23: Parson compelled to laugh at Stanley's bad jokes; Parson recognizes Gobwin Knob
- Page 24: Parson declared Lord Hamster; Wanda excused to pursue her hobbies
- Page 25: Webinar engages spidews, loses cloth golem
- Page 26: Parson & Stanley discuss dwagons & stupid names
- Page 27: Wanda changes clothes; Parson introduced to uncroaked warlords; Manpower craves pie
- Page 28: Mung introduced; Wanda reveals white leather fetish; Mung stands at attention
- Page 29: Stanley unknowingly imitates Vizzini; Bogroll reports as lackey retainer to Parson
- Page 30: Jillian asks for the very easy way, gets the very hard way
- Page 31: Parson insinuates that Stanley is evil; Stanley reacts poorly
- Page 32: Stanley orders Parson not to speak, reveals expectation of Arkenpliers
- Page 33: Stanley gives Parson an eyebook; Parson contacted by Sizemore
- Page 34: Ansom & Vinny discuss Stanley's rise to power; Webinar finds Jillian's items; Ansom calls Charlie
- Page 35: Parson learns about magic from Sizemore
- Page 36: Sizemore takes Parson's crap; Wanda finishes interrogating Jillian, shifts to girl-talk
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Page 37: Bogroll presents Parson with his armor
- Parson's Klog #1: Parson's Klog, birthdate 12/7/1982: Parson shares feelings on Erfworld; Hamstard invents the lipid golem.
- Page 38: Jillian heals wounds, breaks down, gets sushi; Wanda hypnotizes Mung
- Parson's Klog #2: Parson's Klog: Magic theory
- Parson's Klog #3: Parson's Klog: Strategery!
- Page 39: Parson gets a Stupid Meal; Arkentools numbered at four
- Page 40: Parson & Stanley continue verbal sparring; Wanda manipulates them both
- Parson's Klog #4: Parson's Klog: Parson laments difficulty learning about combat; some system tidbits revealed; Bogroll's stats revealed
- Page 41: Wanda releases Jillian; plan to lure Ansom out revealed; Wanda gets creepiness on
- Page 42: Charlie's Archons introduced, ally with Jetstone; Vinny persuades Ansom not to personally rescue Jillian
- Page 43: Parson & Wanda react to the failed plan; Wanda advises Parson on dealing with His Toolship; Wanda confused by childhood
- Parson's Klog #5: Parson's Klog: More combat system lamentations & tidbits on unit construction
- Page 44: Night passes with a Shakespearean sonnet; Parson gets an idea
- Page 45: Misty (the lookamancer) introduced; Parson tries to order nighttime troop movements; Misty protests
- Page 46: Parson's plan is shot down; Misty's name revealed, tries to help
- Parson's Klog #6: Parson's Klog: Critical combat info, and a plan of action
- Page 47: Wanda chews Parson out for messing with the eyemancers, resigns herself to placating Stanley; Parson's plan made sweeter by Ansom's lack of intel
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Page 48: Wanda helps Stanley "relax"; Dwagons begin the attack
- Page 49: Bat*21 swallowed; Parson has fun as a dispatcher; "Leeeeeeroy..."
- Page 50: Jillian reunites with gwiffons, prepares to leave; dwagons wreak havoc on battle bears and tower
- Page 51: Jillian argues with Webinar over leaving; Webinar appeals to Ansom via Charlie's Archons' Thinkagram
- Page 52: Ansom celebrates "victories"... outlook reversed by unit reports
- Page 53: Parson interrupts Sizemore's dirtamancy, discusses Misty situation over EyeM
- Page 54: Parson & Sizemore discuss mathamancy, Parson's wristwatch, & the eyemancers
- Page 55: Parson explains his combat moves to Stanley
- Page 56: Ansom & Vinny plan their response
- Page 57: Ansom shows he has an Evel side; stack one buys the farm
- Page 58: Ansom decides to go all in... literally
- Page 59: Ansom & company defeat the three dwagons; center hex revealed to contain trees, and little else
- Page 60: Parson reveals the full scope of his plan; Stanley takes the credit
- Page 61: Ansom and Vinny discuss implications of an empty center hex, charge anyway; Wanda mentions "veiling" of units, shocks Parson
- Page 62: Vinny presents two options: The Flight (through a ring of dwagon breath) and The Stand; Ansom chooses third: The Hunt
- Page 63: Jillian ditches Webinar & Dora, departs to search for dwagons; called "mean" by an Archon; agrees
- Page 64: Parson & Sizemore worry about Wanda's control of Jillian; Wanda gets defensive; Stanley pours over map; Jillian advances to hex adjacent to wounded dwagons
- Page 65: Jillian rationalizes abandoning hunt to self, Archons as saving Ansom from own ideal, locates wounded dwagons anyway; one Archon named (Jaclyn)
- Page 66: Parson et al. continue to argue about Wanda's spell upon Jillian; Jillian begins to rationalize not attacking.
- Page 67: Jaclyn elaborates on Wanda's spell over Jillian, against other Archons' wishes; Jillian admits to liking being part of Wanda's machinations; Jaclyn suggests Jillian phones a friend
- Page 68: Ansom & Vinny discuss the possibility that Jillian has betrayed them; Jillian sends Ansom a scathing thinkagram, but promises to croak some dwagons
- Page 69: Jillian begins the assault; Archons blast/vaporize/slice 'n' dice one dwagon each, pose for camera
- Page 70: Jillian jumps onto Leeroy's dwagon, headshots Leeroy; Parson orders remaining units to croak Jillian
- Page 71: Wanda opposes croaking Jillian; Stanley supports it; Manpower's kill (and uncroakness) yoinked by Ansom's Arkenpliers; Ansom & Jillian share a smile; Vinny croaks a dwagon with a kick
- Page 72: Stanley blows a microchip, orders Parson, Sizemore, and Wanda out of his sight; Wanda blows a microchip, becomes catatonic; Stanley orders all field units back to Gobwin Knob, eyemancers to unlink
- Page 73: Ansom & Vinny contemplate the day's victories & the next day's hardships; Vinny gets his Fonzie on with battle-damaged Archons; Jillian bivouacs with Ansom on his carpet
- Page 74: Parson and Sizemore discuss their various possible fates, discover that Bogroll took Parson's order to pretend to be him a bit too seriously
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Page 75: Stanley attempts to restore one of the eyemancers to sanity, orders Mung to assemble the knights at dawn ("in full paint"); Sizemore attempts to dissuade Bogroll from waking Parson, waking Parson in the process
- Page 76: Parson berates Sizemore, relates intent to confront Stanley; Knights In Stanley's Service (KISS) assemble in courtyard
- Page 77: Stanley departs Gobwin Knob with the foolamancer, three knights, and remaining dwagons; Parson finds Misty, apparently croaked
- Parson's Klog #7: Parson's Klog: Stupid unit roster; Misty confirmed croaked
- Parson's Klog #8: Parson's Klog: Parson ponders the reality, unreality, cuteness, and tragicness of Erfworld
- Page 78: Parson inspects the tunnels, reflects on puns, possibility of being hospitalized in "real world"
- Page 79: Parson attempts to wake self, fails; Sizemore recounts Stanley's rise to power
- Parson's Klog #9: Parson's Klog: Sizemore making the tunnels more defensible; alliances, royals, and divine mandate
- Page 80: Ansom & Vinny review Jillian's claim to know Stanley's actions
- Page 81: "Veiled" dwagons appear as blimps; Jillian prepares to relate her back story
- Page 82: Jillian Zamussels mutually hated her liege, King Banhammer of Faq; Jillian identifies salad fork and eyeball fork as one and the same
- Page 83: Jillian confirms Wanda worked for Faq; Ansom fails to see past Jillian's lineage
- Page 84: Maggie (the thinkamancer) introduced; Parson debriefs her, learns that Jack's condition & Misty's death resulted from thinkamancy spell-failure backlash
- Parson's Klog #10: Parson's Klog: Dirtamancers boost golems, croakamancers boost undead; natural thinkamancy inhibits free will?
- Page 85: Bedtime; Bogroll's greatest ambition: to save Parson's life
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- ErfWorld toy: Sword ricasso ("Combat!")
- Page 86: Veiled dwagons de-spoof; Parson receives a sword ricasso with breakfast; "Subway" wrapper lists Royal Crown Coalition makeup
- Page 87: Sizemore hits scouting Marbit stack with "excessive force" (four hard-rock golems)
- Page 88: Arkendish named, located with Charlie; Parson & Maggie contact Charlie; Parson references All Your Base, Mork & Mindy
- Page 89: Parson offers Charlie his wristwatch/mathamancy bracer; dwagons re-veil as parade balloons
- Page 90: Ansom & advisers discuss implications of rock golems' attack on scouts; Jillian & Vinny dress as greasers, anticipating dance fighting; Charlie rejects Parson's offer, assures him that he will survive the battle; Parson plans one more thinkagram
- Page 91: Parson "calls" Ansom, denounces royalty as obsolete; Ansom makes a scene in front of alliance leadership; "superior" Stanley strangles foolamancer in outrage
- Page 92: Parson bluffs about allying with alliance members, spoofs Dr. Evil; Stanley interrupts Parson's call, asking how to fix foolamancer; foolamancer's name forgotten by Stanley, unknown by Maggie
- Page 93: Ansom & Vinny exchange angry stares over Ansom's fit; Ansom gives Jillian & Vinny their orders, to break their alliance in order to change the turn order; Jillian quotes Grease
- Page 94: Jillian's flight approaches the tower of Efdup unchallenged; Jillian confronts a (somewhat) recovered Wanda; orly: O HAI
- Page 95: Jillian prompts Wanda to defect, plans to slay Stanley when Wanda refuses; Jaclyn warns that Wanda is free of loyalty spells; Wanda casts several cheat codes and AGGROs
- Page 96: Jaclyn's, Pegataurs' flesh burned from their bones (apparently they failed their saving throws)
- Page 97: Ansom charges Webinar with command of Jetstone & Marbit forces (and only Jetstone & Marbit forces) in the tunnels
- Page 98: Parson explains that unlike Stanley, he still values Wanda after her failure; Wanda, speech-impaired, begins raising fallen Archons
- Parson's Klog #11: Parson's Klog: Parson explains Gobwin Knob's defensive zones, speculates upon Ansom's plan, implies that he has a plan of his own
- Parson's Klog #12: Parson's Klog: Parson believes Wanda's loyalties still lie with Gobwin Knob; cities without a leader freeze in time unless/until attacked; Parson resolves to play the fight out rather than surrender
- Page 99 : Vinny explains the plan to his boss, the Don; we see a preview of the battle to come, with dance fighting
- Page 100: Parsons plan relies on Ansom waiting until his forces are assembled (a fairly safe bet, knowing Ansom); Charlie hacks Parson's eyebook, proposes a business deal; Coalition forces surround the walls
- Page 101: Ansom's allies dissent over Ansom's inaction; Ansom justifies himself; Parson experiments with what he can say without being censored
- Page 102: Parson plans to order the casters to the Magic Kingdom should the battle go south; Sizemore worries not for his own life but for the lives of those he is ordered to kill, hates Parson for it
- Page 103: Parson asks Wanda not to leave to help Stanley, reveals his bargain with Charlie to abandon the hunt for Stanley in exchange for 12 calculations - the first two of which concerned a (hypothetical?) attack on GK by Charlie; Parson feels played, is glad that Wanda doesn't laugh
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Luckamancy Charms toy: Sword blade ("Ruthlessness!")
- Page 104: Caesar Borgata and company join with Jillian's stack, relieve her; Maggie casts "Ephedra" on Parson to clear his mind; Charlie's Archons arrive at GK, taking the first turn of the day; Charlie asks Parson up to the parapet
- Page 105 : Parson rebuffs Charlie, giving his chances of not losing the city within one turn at 58.9%; Charlie leaves his archons in place, "to assist if necessary"
- Page 106: Parson receives the rest of his sword in his breakfast Luckamancy Charms; sword's functions (leadership, combat, & ruthlessness) enumerated
- Page 107: Caesar was sent to compensate for lack of archons; Faq used Jack, the foolamancer, to stay hidden from Transylvito and others; Parson learned Jack's name from Wanda, orders Sizemore to begin liquid and gas traps, Maggie to contact Jack
- Page 108: Parson contacts the foolamancer, one Jack Snipe; in the tunnels, golems mix an unknown powder ("REDOX"), set off a flaming liquid trap ("FITH") near Webinar's regiment
- Page 109: Parson's efforts to snap Jack back to reality are apparently in vain; Parson sends gobwins into tunnels, to attack infantry and corral heavies & warlords
- Page 110: Stanley tries to appeal to Jack's sense of self-preservation to cast a real veil, while flying into the Doombats' trap; decides to punch through
- Page 111: Webinar finds Sizemore; Parson sends in the remaining knights, riding spidews; Doombats sing West Side Story; Stanley air-guitars with Arkenhammer, sings KISS
- Page 112: Webinar and Dora confront Sizemore; Sizemore heals a golem, which PKs Dora and Webinar; Sizemore laments, reports the rout; Parson discovers a new uncensored word: "Hosed, hosed, hosed!"
- Page 113: Vinny breaks down the odds - unled bats are weak, but with Caesar, the chief warlord for Transylvito, in the hex, they are more formidable; Stanley Van de Graffs Caesar; Jillian recognizes Jack, and Jack, Jillian
- Page 114: Jillian and gwiffons engage Stanley, croaking his mount; Jillian implores Jack to turn; Stanley flies himself and Jack up with Arkenhammer while Jack, restored to sanity, casts a veil
- Page 115: Jillian and co search for Stanley, discover that croaked dwagon is a fake; Stanley and Jack, still mounted, escape hex
- Page 116: Unable to read the Titans' will, Stanley takes Jack's suggestion to return to Gobwin Knob; uncroaked units' strength depends on the effort spent creating them; many units can be uncroaked together, but they'll be weak; Wanda uncroaks 1000+ Jetstone infantry
- Parson's Klog #13: Parson explains the layout of the garrison, meditates on having caused the deaths of so many enemy troops, the effect of that on Sizemore, and his responsibility to his own men
- Page 117: The coalition is demoralized by Parson's new reinforcements, but Ansom pulls them back together, gets reckless with his statuesque keister to punch a hole through the uncroaked on the wall
- Page 118: Ansom fights uncroaked alone; siege units attack walls; Archons watch
- Page 119: Parson tries to out-guess Charlie, sends Wanda with uncroaked fliers to attack Ansom; Wanda stutters through battle song
- Page 120: Wanda locks Ansom's Arkenpliers, Webinar knocks them from his grasp, and him from his carpet; Ansom enters contract negotiations with an Archon
- Page 121: Ansom accepts Charlie's outrageous terms; Archons destroy all fliers in hex; Wanda is shielded (though her mount is not)
- Page 122: Wanda hovers on death's door as Ansom dives, retrieves pliers, monologues; Wanda dares him to touch her with them; Ansom declines; Sizemore and golems arrive from below to safeguard Wanda; Ansom returns to fight at wall
- Page 123: Sizemore takes Wanda to the dungeon to heal her; Parson outlines his latest tactic to Maggie; Parson relocates command to dungeon to personally inspect Wanda's "private stash" - and prepare for battle
- Page 124: Sizemore finds various magic spells in Wanda's stash; the casters challenge Parson's status as Perfect Warlord; Parson lectures them about strategy; the coalition troops at the courtyard gates
- Page 125: Parson explains combat bonuses, gives battle instructions to the casters; Ansom and the coalition warlords argue whether they should wait for the next turn or press the assault
- Page 126: Ansom gives battle instructions to the coalition troops; Sizemore and his golems attack two coalition warlords with Shockmancy; a crap golem explodes
- Page 127: The coalition troops break into the courtyard; Parson tells Bogroll that they still have a chance; Wanda leads uncroaked infantry into a dance-fight
- Page 128: The uncroaked inflict massive losses on the coalition infantry; Ansom negotiates with Archons; Archons relay directions for a dance-fight to the coalition troops
- Page 129: Parson orders a concentrated attack on Ansom; Maggie disrupts some Archons; the courtyard wall is down; Parson orders a general retreat into the dungeon; Parson gives Bogroll a mission
- Page 130: Parson contact Charlie and asks for a truce to surrender; Charlie reveals that he wants to get Parson and his bracer; Ansom flies up to the tower parapet to accept Parson's surrender
- Page 131: Ansom taunts surrendering Parson; Parson is revealed to be Bogroll in disguise; Bogroll knocks Ansom off his flying carpet and they fall down
- Page 132: Ansom and Bogroll are croaked; Parson orders Sizemore to collapse the tower and dungeons; Sizemore wrecks as much of Gobwin Knob as possible
- Page 133: Parson and remaining troops prepare for a last stand in the dungeon; a few enemy units break in, but are dispatched; Parson orders the casters into the Portal Room
- Page 134: Parson offers the casters to use the portal; they tell him Duty demands that he does not give up; Parson orders the casters to link up and uncroak the volcano
- Page 135: The casters magically merge their minds; Wanda and Sizemore uncroak the volcano together
- Page 136: Parson orders the casters into the portal; Charlie tries to make a deal; Parson runs into the portal
- Page 137: The volcano erupts; coalition troops die in a fire
- Page 138: Vinny tells Jillian they are not going after Stanley; Caesar tells them that all coalition troops at Gobwin are destroyed; Jillian leaps at Caesar at the news of Ansom's death
- Page 139: Vinny tells Caesar to back off; Vinny tries to console Jillian; they share a moment of grief
- Page 140: Parson is opposed by casters in the Magic Kingdom and gets Vulcan Nerve Pinched; Janis calls for Thinkamancers to break the link between Maggie, Sizemore and Wanda
- Page 141: Sizemore complains to Janis about Parson; Janis urges Sizemore to help and teach Parson, suggests that Parson may bring peace to Erfworld
- Page 142: Parson and the casters are forced to return to Gobwin Knob; they find it in ruins; Sizemore finds gems; Wanda finds the Arkenpliers and attunes to them
- Page 143: Parson muses on death and destruction that he caused; Wanda dismisses his complaints and digs up Ansom's corpse
Transylvito and Charlescomm's turns
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Page 144: Stanley is on his way to Gobwin Knob; new turn starts; a dwagon pops up; Wanda reanimates Ansom with the Arkenpliers
- Page 145: Ansom's stats, zealotry prove to have survived decryption; Wanda turns the Arkenpliers on the rest of the army
- Page 146: Arkenpliers' limits tested; Bogroll confirmed to be Killed Off For Real; Wanda expresses gratitude-like emotion
- Page 147: Wanda answers long-standing Faq FAQs, commiserates about Fate; Parson appears unconvinced
- Page 148: Sizemore goes rock hunting; Parson and Maggie discuss Thinkamancy, compare monstrosities
- Pages 149-150: Parson defies fate, breaks boop filter, ends book on auspicious note.
Turns since TBfGK: 1 (10 AW)
- Epilogue 1: Parson finds it ridiculous how quickly the city is rebuilt once Stanley allocates the funding.
- Epilogue 2: Stanley returns with most of his dwagon contingent; Parson explores the new Gobwin Knob.
- Epilogue 3: Stanley surveys his domain, comments on his side's new livery, glees at Ansom's Face Heel Turn.
- Epilogue 4: Stanley lands, proves confused and apprehensive over Wanda's attunement and mood; Wanda shows off cool tricks thus far.
- Epilogue 5: Ansom talks re-popping, references Prince; Stanley unable to gloat, compensates by fishing for gossip.
- Epilogue 6: Parson plays with his bracer, contemplates the invention of folding chairs; Maggie and Sizemore culture-shocked; brick-throwing classified as archery.
- Epilogue 7: Archons provide celebratory fireworks; dwagons get spooked; Stanley blows up own head.
- Epilogue 8: Thinking about war bothers Parson, but would not thinking about war be any better?
- Epilogue 9: Stanley "apologizes", breaks news of Ansom's promotion; Parson takes it well; Maggie speaks her mind.
- Epilogue 10: Caesar mocks Jillian, delivers "royal invitation"; Jillian accepts (unwillingly); Vinny smells a fish.
- Epilogue 11: Transylvitans chat about Carpool; Vinny holds his tongue; Jillian stews.
- Epilogue 12: Escort camps in the rain; Transylvitan capital still two days away; Jillian kvetches about moving under her max speed, speculates on Caesar's diet.
Turns since TBfGK: 2 (11 AW)
- Epilogue 13: Escort stops at Aqua Velva; Jillian spears one of the mayor's pet fish as provisions; conversation touches upon names and titles.
- Epilogue 14: Vinny asks Jillian to mind her manners when "meeting his parents"; Jillian still a woman of few words, but spares a few choice ones for her own dad.
- Epilogue 15: Escort grabs horned sheep for dinner; Transylvitans sing campfire rock.
Turns since TBfGK: 3 (12 AW)
- Epilogue 16: Dawn arrives before Transylvito's turn; Jillian nurses a fire; Vinny tames a bat, puts himself in Don King's shoes.
- Epilogue 17: First glimpse of Transylvito proper, surrounding terrain, defense forces; escort grabs a drink from the nearby Skanks; Jillian promotes herself to Chief Party-Pooper.
- Epilogue 18: Jillian arrives in the Transylvito throne room, exchanges formalities with Don King, really needs to pee.
- Epilogue 19: Jillian tells Don King about Faq's Foolamantic defenses, proposes a rematch with Stanley; Don King reminds her of the first bout's mysterious ending; indoor plumbing introduced.
- Epilogue 20: Jillian expresses her disdain for tea, "royal life"; Don King gives an object lesson.
- Epilogue 21: Jillian and Don King talk about the three Rs: Royalty, Radishes, and Rebuilding; Jillian fights an inner ambush, throws a teapot.
Love Is a Battlefield
Book 2 : The campagne to conquer Spacerock, Jetstone's capital.
Turns since TBfGK: 3 (12 AW)
- Prologue 1: Parson and Charlie talk Caster Links, mind games.
- Prologue 2: Zhopa the Twoll introduced; Parson packs a picnic lunch.
- Prologue 3: Parson, Sizemore, and Maggie take a stroll; Parson learns about Erban development (Gobwin Knob real estate is a buyer's market) and talks about home.
- Prologue 4: Discussion of aesthetics continues on to the topic of graphic design; Fabrication officially linked to Twolls, Dollamancy; Sizemore and Maggie play catch-the-buck over Gobwin Knob's new style.
- Prologue 5: Maggie explains two-caster links, speculates on Stanley's mental state; the trio continue their walk towards the city gates.
- Prologue 6: Parson reaches hex boundary, takes a peek through his magic specs; Maggie tells a joke; Erfworld proves to be more stubborn than we had hoped.
- Prologue 7: Magic Kingdom revealed to be mostly philosophers with juice; Parson warned against going there again, settles for more Q&A with Maggie and Sizemore; Sizemore breaks out the apple brandy.
- Prologue 8: Parson gets a crash course in general relativity, boggles afresh at Erfworld's idiosyncratic physics.
- Prologue 9: Maggie hits the brandy a bit too hard, feels like she's on Earth, takes advantage of her helmet's loyalty.
- Prologue 10: Parson tries things.
- Prologue 11: Parson gets in the saddle, squashes a Banana.
Turns since TBfGK: 4 (13 AW)
- Prologue 12: Ansom and Wanda visit sunny Warchalking.
- Prologue 13: Wrigley loses his spear, then loses his head.
Turns since TBfGK: 8 (17 AW)
- Prologue 14: Stanley chews out Parson for not knowing how to do his rounds; Parson sends Stanley dwagon-hunting.
Turns since TBfGK: 11 (20 AW)
Turns since TBfGK: 18 (27 AW)
Turns since TBfGK: 19 (28 AW)
Turns since TBfGK: 20 (29 AW)
- Prologue 18: Charlie tries to find out what Gobwin Knob's got up its sleeve, and gets more than he bargained for.
Turns since TBfGK: 23 (32 AW)
- Prologue 19: Prince Tramennis arrives at Dhrystone, informs Ossomer of their brother's alleged fate.
Turns since TBfGK: 24 (33 AW)
Turns since TBfGK: 29 (38 AW)
Turns since TBfGK: 31 (40 AW)
Turns since TBfGK: 38 (47 AW)
- Prologue 23: Parson and Maggie take a walk and discuss... logistics. Bow-chicka-bow-wow.
- Prologue 24: Parson braves the peril to get some answers about Charlie.
- Prologue 25: Parson ignores his little buddy, plays 8 questions, and sets a date with Ginger and MaryAnn.
Turns since TBfGK: 52 (61 AW)
- Prologue 26: Caesar Borgata is up on the roof in Chocula, and gets a call from Bunny; learns next morning that Transylvito is popping new Royal Heir.
Turns since TBfGK: 54 (63 AW)
- Prologue 27: Parson chats with Charlie again. Ansom made diplomatic contacts, trying to spread Toolism.
Turns since TBfGK: 55 (64 AW)
- Prologue 28: Jillian recalls how, on Day 42 (51 AW), she 'visited' the neighbor kingdom Jitterati, attacked the cities Kona and Valdez, got the Western Giants to become her Natural Allies, and captured the warlord Duncan Scone. On Day 55 (64 AW), she leaves Faq on a dangerous mission.
Issue 1: Meet the Jetstones
Day 1 (75 AW)
Gobwin Knob's turn
- Page 1: In which something is already going wrong.
- Page 2: A little trip down to Expository Bridge by way of Memory Lane.
- Page 3: I've got good news and bad news...
- Page 4: Ossomer stands his ground, so Ansom takes flight.
- Page 5: The Little Tool Laughed, to See Such Sport
- Page 6: Flash? Aha! It's a miracle!
- Page 7: Keep Your Eye On the Lady...
- Lloyd Elliott is introduced, ogling the archons. Gobwin Knob's forces appear to make a charge at Jetstone's casters, but in fact are veiled and targeting Ossomer and Tramennis.
- Page 8: The thunderous clatter of splintering wood and lives that are claimed~
- Text Update 1: Sizemore finds sunshine on a cloudy day.
- Page 9: Wanda sticks her needle nose into some family business.
- Text Update 2: How is Sizemore like a mushroom? They both thrive when surrounded by crap.
- Page 10: The Death and Return of Ossomer.
- Text Update 3: Meanwhile, back in the Bat Cave...
- Page 11: Mark this moment... someone tells Wanda no!
- Text Update 4: Vurp gets in touch with his inner Hobgobwin.
- Text Update 5: A bat and a Bunny can reach places other Units cannot scratch.
- Page 12: Tramennis wants to scratch his nose; Jillian prepares to scratch an old itch.
- Text Update 6: Jillian skulks across the land while she sulks about her band. Titans disband!
- Page 13: Parson runs some depressing odds and frightfully annoying questions past Wanda.
- Text Update 7: Sammy is ready to rock; but can he roll?
- Page 14: Parson obeys his master; Ansom obeys his mistress.
- Text Update 8: Lady Lazurus by Sylvia
- Page 15: Wanda's favorite trick was tying a carrot to a stick.
- Text Update 9: King Slately counts his lies, and argues with truth.
- Page 16: I was gonna fight you, but then I got high...
- Text Update 10: The eyemancer looks back to when the naughtymancer foreshadowed.
- Page 17: When a body meets a body, sittin' way up high...
- Text Update 11: Duncan dabbles with duos and decides date-a-mancy dips deeper than digits.
- Page 18: Jillian makes Wanda an offer that would leave no Side unturned.
- Text Update 12: Ossomer finds a scone a bit tough to chew.
- Page 19: Jillian and Wanda wave their Tools of Fate at each other.
- Text Update 13: The primary sign of a well ordered mind is the ability to remain in one place and manage one's units.
- Page 20: Most trust exercises don't end with sacking a city.
- Text Update 14: Slately tries to take solace in Queen Bea's sacrifice, and is rather forcefully shushed.
- Page 21: The King of Radishes asks about the bidding; the Queen pulls an ace out of her hat; and the Turnamancer calls time.
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Text Update 15: What's it all about, Antium?
- Page 22: The turn's end turns heads as Vanna prepares another turn when Jillian is finally sure who she came here for.
- Text Update 16: Don King makes it clear that this is his palace, and not Caesar's.
- Page 23: Jill wears the previously broken crown and offers Jack a lift home.
- Text Update 17: Call her the Arkenwrench, because Jillian messes up everyone's plans.
- Page 24: When Tramennis met Jillian.
- Text Update 18: I spy with my little eye something you hold dear...
- Page 25: Sammy reports for — ahem — duty.
- Haggar's forces arrive in strength, if not in good spirits.
- Text Update 19: It's war, Ansom, but not as you know it.
- Ansom reflects on how unnaturally smooth the war had been going since he'd joined Gobwin Knob, before realizing how poorly positioned the ground forces were. Shortly after, things manage to get even worse.
- Page 26: Sammy crosses that bridge when he comes to it, and Tramennis discovers how much Jillian does not know.
- Text Update 20: Wanda lets her hair down and calls for a team huddle with a side of beef, a fool, and a burning woman.
- Page 27: Sammy moves in for the kill, but Jillian proves to be a fatal distraction.
- Page 28: Oh, pick a meaning, Prince. They all fit.
- Page 29: When Vanna has trouble turning Ansom's head, Jillian smothers him with love.
- Vanna fails to make Ansom switch sides with her Turnamancy. Duncan Scone asks if they should talk again or muster with Jetstone's troops, but Jillian opts to make a surgical strike and capture Ansom then and there. Faq's forces return to Prince Tramennis, who shares a moment with Jillian about how much they enjoyed the maneuver.
- Text Update 21: The fool chuckles at the stone tied around the ankles of royalty.
- Page 30: Jillian prepares to steam roll a path home and arrange her lover's return .
- Text Update 22: The Ford ranger pickups responsibility to at least scratch the rocks before being crushed by them.
- Page 31: Two Queens discuss who is a toolist, whilst others disapprove.
- Text Update 23: Tramennis leads a teddy bear's picnic to breakfast on salad.
- Page 32: Ford gets crushed, Maggie requests and gets permission to make a suggestion, and Parson gets back his job as chief warlord.
- Text Update 24: Wrigley's life achieves a glorious climax as his spear finally enters some flesh.
- Page 33: The master mind and mind controller exchange a few angry thoughts on the subject of ethics - the latter wins and the former has an ugly thought.
Issue 2: It's Raining Men
Day 1 (75 AW) continued
Royal Crown Coalition's turn continued
- Page 33a: Parson reviews what he has learned about just what options he has while off-turn.
- Page 33b: Parson's notes continue with details of the Garrison/Airspace zone boundary.
- Page 34: The Don pops a recap into Caesar.
- Text Update 25: Tramennis weighs up the weight flying above him as well as that upon his shoulders.
- Page 35: The King of Bats counsels reason, while the King of Radishes contemplates starvation.
- Text Update 26: Zhopa makes a ham sandwich, whilst Stanley makes a meal of it.
- Page 36: The pizza-stained warlord plans a food fight.
- Text Update 27: Stanley regales Zhopa with, and answers the frequently asked questions about, the fall of Faq.
- Page 37: Slately stands, then Tramennis stands up to him when he takes a stand on understanding an outstanding communicator and an upstanding warlord.
- Text Update 28: Jillian pushes around the goo of her feelings, whilst Ansom is pushed around by the goo of a megalogwiff.
- Page 38: Despite Jillian and Tramennis' best efforts, it is Parson who makes the call.
- Text Update 29: Two Toolists compare their encounters with a Tool of the Titans as well as with a Tool of Fate.
- Page 39: Jillian is unimpressed with Charlie's lucky charms.
- Text Update 30: With Cubbins' help, Ace Hardware's stores becomes a helpful place.
- Page 40: Parson tells Maggie he takes his game pieces seriously, and then goes to play dress-up; Tramennis gets a taste of the rainbow.
- Text Update 31: Uhura gets dirty with a dirtamancer, and we learn that bad news comes in Fibbonacci sequences.
- Page 41: In a switch, Charlie tries to hire Tramennis with the promise of dirt on a potato.
- Page 42: Parson plans a trip after his shameless self-promotion.
- Text Update 32: Duncan enjoys an unstoppable mount. But he enjoys stopping the unstoppable warlord more.
- Page 43: The radishes consider a parley with a potato.
- Page 44: Tramennis prepares for a conference; Parson prepares for a combat.
- Text Update 33: A short father takes a long walk with his last son.
- Page 45: Parson orders Wanda to evacuate some air, and Sizemore to evacuate some ground.
- Text Update 34: Benjamin is not averse to be an observant servant in verse.
- Page 46: Parson pits caster against caster and brother against brother.
- Text Update 35: How is a foolamancer like a croakamancer? They both choose to be first in war rather than third (or second) in love.
- Page 47: Spacerock's prince poops on Ossomer's new suit and dwagons poop on Spacerock.
- Text Update 36: Crap happens... to fall on Duke Adam Antium and his troops.
- Page 48: Tramennis mistakes tactics for tantrums.
- Page 48a: Parson's eyebook explores harvest exploits.
- Page 49: Dwagons fall down.
- Text Update 37: A predictamancer prophesies Parson's pending Portal Park presence.
- Page 50: Jack acts the fool and the Cure.
- Text Update 38: Maggie hopes a great mind plucks her G-String.
- Page 51: Jack and Wanda discuss the weather; Adam drowns in it.
- Text Update 39: Sylvia commands Fud and Archer. How it turned out was this: Awesome.
- Page 52: A Prince plans to port his pater; Parson plans to pass a portal.
- Text Update 40: Isaac discovers the gravity of the situation.
- Page 53: Jetstone's Prince reassesses his strategy; Jetsone's King reassesses his princes.
- Text Update 41: In the huddle, Ace Hardware tries to change the play on the field, but the others decide to pass.
- Page 54: Wanda wants to go around, Jack and Sylvia want to blow things up, and Caesar wants better intel.
- Text Update 42: Slately rediscovers honor. "You come to me and you say, 'Don King, give me justice.' But you didn’t ask with respect; you didn’t offer friendship — you didn’t even call me 'godfather.'"
- Page 55: Wanda has no trouble securing a portal for Parson; Don King has trouble securing a loan for Slately.
- Text Update 43: At Progrock, Jillian makes rocks, but Ansom seeks progress.
- Page 56: Hamster and Caesar plan for their respective Sides' futures while contemplating that their own futures may be brief.
- Text Update 44: Alone with his thoughts, Stanley realizes he is lonelier than most.
- Page 57: Met by Janis and Marie Lavraie, Sizemore takes the high road while making a low one.
- Text Update 45: Marie and Janis go digging for dirt, but Sizemore has dug himself as deep as he'll go. Can you dig it?
- Page 58: Isaac plans to drop in on Parson who plans to drop in on Tramennis who plans to drop in on Slately.
- Text Update 46: Adam Antium and Lacrosse hope to score with Wanda.
- Page 59: Caesar's full house beats a pair of kings.
- Text Update 47: Ossomer sees a Sign in his father's eyes, and prepares for the ultimate Duty.
- Page 60: Tramennis is heard, Parson is seen, and both of them fall.
- Text Update 48: Slately needs a plan. He loses a King but finds an unexpected Ace.
- Page 61: Parson and Jeftichew make mad dashes, as Janis and Marie connect mad dots.
- Text Update 49: After chewing on his sandwich, Stanley promotes Zhopa to lackey and takes him to chew out Maggie.
- Page 62: Jeftichew offers Parson free will.
- Text Update 50: Artemis goes hunting for scarlet and purple prey.
- Page 63: Jeftichew asks Parson if he wants to get stupid.
- Text Update 51: A stone falls, Artemis' arrow falls, Ossomer's tower falls, and Sylvia smiles.
- Page 64: Sizemore, Janis, and Marie crash the party, but Jeftichew still gives a gift.
- Text Update 52: It's knights vs. dwagons, archer vs. archer, and Lazarus vs. Oblivion.
- Page 65: Sizemore makes introductions. Parson impresses Janis, but not Marie.
- Page 66: Parson chooses to jet for Jetstone. The Thinkamancers order a layover at their temple.
- Page 67: Some math facts: P<GMTA; P+S+M+J>GMTA. But can you count on Janis?
- Page 68: The Great Minds that Think Alike are stumped by the followers of one who thinks like no other.
- Page 69: While Slately gets a change of clothes, does Ossomer have a change of heart?.
- Text Update 53: ♪So no one told them life was going to be this way...♪
- Page 70: A Captain must steer between fatalism and foolishness.
- Page 71: Parson learns that the thinkamancers don't think that the predictamancers will act unpredictably.
- Page 72: A Predictamancer, Parson, Jack, Sylvia, and Stanley ask "What's going on here?"
- Page 73: One side comes together in the Magic Kingdom and another kingdom collapses along one side.
- Text Update 54: Hats off to Cubbins as an ace takes to the sky.
- Page 74: Cubbins throws his hat in the air. The issue ends; we graduate to issue 3!
Issue 3: Lots of Sects, and Violence
Day 1 (75 AW)
Royal Crown Coalition's turn continued
- Text Update 55: War goes by and comes to Mary Sagittari.
- The history of Count Topotato and how he led to the popping of Mary's stack of archers, and several defining moments from her life.
- Page 75: Orders up!
- Ossomer starts the attack on Gobwin Knob's archons, and the archons figure out what to do about it.
- Page 76: Once more, for Jetstone!
- Slately refuses to escape, and insists on joining the hunt for archons for the bounty, and for honor.
- Page 77: Pew! Pew! is not good, not good.
- Shots are exchanged, and Lloyd starts casting a spell.
- Page 78: Ossomer goes home.
- The archons dismount Ossomer, dusting him.
- Page 79: Slately finds himself twice as good.
- Outraged by Ossomer's death, Slately charges the archons and is seemingly croaked for it. Lloyd finishes casting just in time to create a ditto of the king.
- Page 80: Ace Hardware gets himself a girl.
- With fancy flying and clumsy rhymes, Ace manages to capture one of the archons.
- Page 81: Maggie's out of juice, Wanda's out of her comfort zone, Parson's out of options, and Stanley is out of f-words.
- Stanley yells at Maggie while Parson, Jack and Wanda are bottlenecked at Spacerock's portal in the Magic Kingdom.
- Page 82: I hate it when people stand in front of the door.
- Maggie convinces Stanley to let her help Parson in the Magic Kingdom, while Jojo brings an enforcer in to the mix.
- Text Update 56: Phoebe's built like a brick... chimney.
- The archon Phoebe hides from the Jetstone hunt.
- Page 83: Slately Spot checks flyers while Isaac spot checks the flier.
- The Jetstone forces finish taking down the unveiled archons. Parson mentions the scroll he got from Jojo, and has Isaac take a look at it.
- Page 84: To be fair, his make-up is fabulous.
- Isaac and Parson talk in thinkspace. Tramennis gets healed, and immediately notices Slately's new look.
- Page 84a: Hamstard's own slash-fic is onto it's seventeenth chapter.
- Parson klogs about eyebook security and upgrades.
- Page 85: Underground, Maggie run run runs to catch up with Isaac and Parson, and ends up running off at the mouth.
- Maggie objects to how the Great Minds have been handling the situation, and lets slip that she knew about the conspiracy.
- Page 86: Sylvia tells Archer about Jeftichew's future trading.
- Sylvia proposes burning Spacerock down, and explains with her backstory why she isn't afraid of doing so.
- Page 87: Don knows about Slately, the Casters knew about Parson, Parson doesn't know what to do and Maggie doesn't know what to say.
- Don and Bunny reveal that Slately died and not the ditto. Parson is angry about being used (again) and shakes Maggie's confidence in him by revealing that he doesn't actually have a plan.
- Page 88: Ace finds out Cubbins is alive, and Slately finds out he isn't.
- Tramennis is caught up on the tactical situation and Slately's plan to use Charlie's bounty to designate him heir. Lilith breaks the news to Slately that he's a ditto.
- Page 89: Charlie says the k-word, and it's not king.
- Charlie and Slately discuss the events of the day, and Charlie convinces Slately to use his plan to kill Parson.
- Page 90: Everybody wants to act, but only Jeftichew seems to have a plan.
- Isaac, Maggie and Parson continue to argue in thinkspace, while the Predictamancers and the Carnies use the lull to plan their next moves.
- Page 91: A clone crowns Tramennis.
- Slately gets the gem from Charlie and designates Tramennis his heir. Once done, he explains Charlies plan to trap Parson in Spacerock.
- Page 92: Parson moves at the speed of thought, which turns out to be slower than it takes for Sylvia to decide to burn Jetstone to the ground.
- The rest of the Great Minds show up in thinkspace, and Archer fails to claim the garrison. Sylvia goes ahead with her plan.
- Text Update 57: It's the circle of strife~!
- Slately and Tramennis have a heartfelt father-son talk about ruling, Royalty and what awaits them both. Slately returns to the troops to deliver an inspirational speech and reenact a scene from the Lion King.
- Page 93: Ace takes a stand and gets to play with his dolls.
- Ace returns with the real body of Slately, and learns of the evacuation plan. He manages to convince Slately to let him stay and fight, in order to save Cubbins.
- Page 94: Spoilers abound as a storm of magic gathers around the portal.
- Maggie argues in favor of letting Parson through the portal, while the Carnies try to incite the nearby casters to interfere. Jojo gets a message and comes storming back.
- Page 95: Jetstone both charges and retreats as fires spring up and pessimism is unleashed.
- Tramennis and the casters leave for Jetstone (the city) while Slately meets Downer and has the suicide run he's on described bluntly.
- Page 96: Sylvia and Jeftichew each fan their respective flames.
- The Jetstone and Gobwin Knob forces clash in the courtyard. Jojo reverses his position and starts arguing in favor of letting Parson pass.
- Page 97: Makes me want to roll for traps.
- Jojo actually convinces everyone. After Sylvia's dwagon is dusted out from under her, she chooses to focus on fighting Ace and letting Archer handle Slately.
- Page 98: Pretty.
- Ace finds Cubbins and spots Archer. Archer shoots Downer, but is then crushed by a boulder from Ace. Sylvia is content watching Dolls burn.
- Page 99: Do you smell smoke?
- Ace sends Cubbins to safety with the jetpack. Parson enters Jetstone, followed by Jack.
- Page 99a: Fire rules!
- Parson klogs about how erfworld treats fires and uses Motoroyal as an example.
- Page 100: Alas poor Portal! We knew it well!
- Slately makes it to the throne. Parson and Jack discuss what to do about the fire, just as the portal is closed.
- Page 101: Spacerock's heating is improved.
- Parson goes on the move. Ace is incapacitated, but manages to direct his Dolls in puncturing a green dwagon and causing it to explode, taking out nearly everything flammable in the courtyard.
- Page 102: Ashes to Sylvia, Sylvia to dust.
- Slately mourns over a doll made by Holly. Sylvia enjoys one last victory. Parson and Jack discuss the "kill the other guys" plan and arrive in the throne room.
- Page 103: Parson Gotti becomes a man of achievement. The royal gets flushed.
- Parson and Slately face off while their stacks engage. Ace arrives, carried by a battle bear, and fixes Holly's doll.
- Page 104: The royals become a Side of achievement. Parson Gotti gets plushed.
- Jack goes to get a dwagon and Parson fights a doll.
- Page 105: The Jack blames an LFN for the great weight of his problem.
- Parson manages to rip the doll in half. Jack collapses a balcony, mostly on himself, and croaks.
- Page 106: A Dwagon is cruelly robbed of its snack.
- Parson, spurred on by Jack's death, hurls Slately to a dwagon and takes the city.
- Page 107: Parson tries to transfer capital, but Stanley refuses on account of bad credit.
- Parson contacts Stanley to convince him to change the capital to Spacerock. In the middle of the argument, Charlie cuts the connection.
- Page 108: Parson and Charlie fight a flame war.
- Charlie wants Parson to use the scroll or die trying.
- Text Update 58: You want help, Lud?
- Stanley talks with Zhopa and decides to help Parson.
- Page 109: Who's the hero now, Hamster?
- Zhopa rushes Stanley to the courtyard and hurls him at the office.
- Text Update 59: Parson takes inspiration from Nero.
- Parson plays with his bracer to figure out if he can cast the scroll and gets some funny answers.
- Page 110: Sparks fly on both sides of the fire escape.
- Parson is incapacitated just as the portal reopens. The carnies and predictamancers start to fight, but Janis stops it.
- Page 111: Wanda is put on hold.
- Sizemore puts out the inferno. Wanda wants to know what to do with the bodies, and Parson has a plan this time.
- Page 112: Isaac investigates pyramid power.
- Sizemore builds a bunker around the portal in the Magic Kingdom as everyone in Spacerock collects the bodies.
- Page 113: Sizemore's game of Minecraft gets griefed by another Dirtamancer.
- Jojo calls for another enforcement council, and has the bunker torn down.
- Page 114: The chapter ends, as the war to end all wars begins.
- Parson reveals his new Magic Kingdom-based battalion, and declares free passage for himself. Privately to Isaac, he also declares his intent to kill Charlie.
Day 1 (75 AW)
Royal Crown Coalition's turn continued
- LIAB Epilogue 01 - Artemis Decrypted: Second life.
- LIAB Epilogue 02 - Jack Decrypted: The Sister reclamation program yields unexpected benefits.
- LIAB Epilogue 03 - Ace on the Move: They're off to see the Casters, the wonderful Casters of Erf.
- LIAB Epilogue 04 - Thinkamancers’ Poll: Great Minds do not think alike, fools seldom agree.
- LIAB Epilogue 05 - At the Temple: Gobwin Knob goes camping.
- LIAB Epilogue 06 - Parson and Maggie Discuss Matters: Parson sorts Maggie out.
- LIAB Epilogue 07 - Jack in Black: The Oz references get weirder.
- LIAB Epilogue 08 - Parson and Wanda Dissect the Battle: Parson gets a healthy dose of paranoia.
- LIAB Epilogue 09 - Parson’s Notes 01: Parson encrypts his notes with handwriting.
- LIAB Epilogue 10 - Message to the Tool: Stanley is informed.
- LIAB Epilogue 11 - Lilith and Pierce: Pierce volunteers for a show.
- LIAB Epilogue 12 - Maggie and the Great Minds: When it comes to groupthink, Maggie talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk.
- LIAB Epilogue 13 - Parson and the Temple: Parson prepares to expose himself.
- LIAB Epilogue 14 - Parson and the Great Minds 1: Parson has to think for a change.
- LIAB Epilogue 15 - Parson and the Great Minds 2: On the importance of furniture hierarchy.
- LIAB Epilogue 16 - Parson and Maggie Discuss Thinking Alike: Big Brother is scary.
- LIAB Epilogue 17 - Parson’s Staff Meeting: No cooking allowed.
- LIAB Epilogue 18 - A Poem About a King: Bunny waxes poetic about the Transylvito situation.
- LIAB Epilogue 19 - Caesar and Bill: Caesar drinks... wine, and the Dollamancer tends his pet project.
- LIAB Epilogue 20 - Jillian and Ansom: No one's talking to Jill, so she talks to Ansom.
- LIAB Epilogue 21 - Vinny: Vinny has the run of the city, but Caesar thinks it should be him.
- LIAB Epilogue 22 - The King of Jetstone's Diary: Tramennis knows Jetstone must change to survive. But can he himself change?
- LIAB Epilogue 23 - Parson and Sizemore: Sizemore can't get away from Parson.
- LIAB Epilogue 24 - Tramennis and Charlie: Tramennis isn't taking anymore of Charlie's crap. Not tonight, anyway.
- LIAB Epilogue 25 - Parson and Charlie (Part 1): Charlie doesn't keep regular business hours, and Parson has to deal with it.
- LIAB Epilogue 25 - Parson and Charlie (Part 2): Parson pays out another calculation, and we get a peek into Charlescomm.
Hamsterdance vs. the Charlie Foxtrot
Book 3 : Gobwin Knob and Charlescomm strive to exterminate each other.
The Infiltration (76-78 AW)
- Page 1: Orange Portal in the morning, Archons take warning.
- Book 3 begins. Ace, Maggie and Isaac link-up to create a Lookamancy camera, equip a Green Army Man doll with it and send it through the portal to Charlescomm.
- Page 2: From Charlie with love.
- The Green Army Man doll returns earlier than expected, its camera having been replaced by Charlie with a grenade. Parson tackles Maggie and Isaac away from the explosion.
Faq's Raid (78 AW)
- Page 3: Gwiffon air cancels all flights to Bohica.
- Faq's forces attack the city of Bohica and move on, while Parson switches priorities from Charlie to Jillian.
- Page 4: Tool Stanley prepares a surprise comeback tour.
- Parson goes over the tactical situation, while Stanley decides to take care of Jillian himself.
- Page 5: Irony thy name is Gillian.
- Faq makes camp. Jillian and Ansom debate the Titan's Will.
- Page 6: Lightning strikes as Dwagons dance around the fire pits.
- Stanley Rocks out, getting his Knights pumped for the coming battle and forgetting his own troubles.
- Page 7: Wanda displays her fresh attire.
- Parson meets with Maggie and Wanda to discuss the possibility of bypassing the rules for captives and contacting Ansom and croaking Jillian.
Stanley Strikes Back (79 AW)
- Page 8: Stanley turns away from Zhopa and Georgia. Was it something they said?
- Stanley takes his Knights on the hunt, and leaves Georgia in charge of Gobwin Knob.
- Page 9: Parson's Klog: His thoughts turn to escape.
- Parson's notes on the rules for Prisoners.
- Page 10: Charlie'd rather not be seen with the heartless queen Jillian.
- Charlie warns Jillian about Stanley, while Maggie and Wanda contact Ansom.
- Page 11: Maggie, Wanda, and Ansom discover Links can be a wibbly-wobbly ball of G-stringy... stuff.
- Ansom, Maggie and Wanda talk in head-space. Outside, Stanley begins attacking Faq.
- Page 12: Stanley doesn't stop to smell Faq's roses, he tramples them.
- Parson is understandably upset that Stanley is there. Stanley is putting on a good show, and Ansom starts his escape attempt.
- Page 13: Stanley know's when it's time to light em up and when to get high.
- Jill and Stanley engage in aerial combat. Charlie begins the link with Vanna to turn Vurp.
- Page 14: The outcome of a mild disturbance is contemplated.
- Parson runs the numbers for the current fight, and doesn't like it.
- Page 15: If the only Tool you have is a hammer...
- Stanley is tearing through the Faq forces, but Duncan and Vanna spot their target.
- Page 16: Black sky at Knight, Vanna's delight...
- Vurp incapacitates Duncan, but is pulled into head-space to face Charlie and Vanna.
- Page 17: Charlie makes Vurp an offer he can't refuse.
- Charlie reveals that he has all the gobwins, and wears Vurp down enough to turn.
- Page 18: The Hobgobwins suit up for a business lunch.
- With the hobgobwins on her side, Jillian goes on the offensive.
- Page 19: Parson is getting shafted again, Jillian is thunderstruck and Stanley is just over with the whole scene.
- Parson hears about the latest turn of events, and Stanley orders a retreat.
- Page 20: The wyrms turn, Jillian rallies, and Vurp catches a ride.
- Stanley orders the dwagons to dismount their hobgobwins, Ansom continues crawling along the megalogwiff, and Bud catches Vurp.
- Page 21: Catch a dwagon by the tail...
- Stanley tries to escape the hex, but Jillian catches him.
- Page 22: Stanley takes his shot. Jillian jabbers. Ansom pulls a Bogroll!
- Jillian and Stanley confront each other, and Ansom tackles Jill.
- Page 23: In the middle of falling to her doom, Jillian FINALLY comes to terms with some of her romantic issues.
- 'nuff said.
- Page 24: Rulers fall, nobody dies. The only thing ending are the link-ups.
- The shock of Jillian getting over her was too much for Wanda and broke the link. Charlie tells Vanna to protect Jillian and breaks his own link.
- Page 25: Stanley wants his dwagon back, Faq goes to hit the floor, and whatever Charlie has to say, Parson is already pissed off by it.
- Faq falls back to save their queen, but Stanley has changed his mind again and goes back on the offensive. Parson is contacted by Charlie.
- Page 26: Beware! They live.
- Gobwin Knob units search for the incapacitated Ansom and Jillian.
- Page 27: To spare or not to spare, that is the question.
- Charlie starts bargaining for Jillian's life, which Parson is immediately suspicious of.
- Page 28: Suddenly: Maps.
- We're treated to another breakdown of the units in play, and Charlie and Parson argue through the eyebook.
- Page 29: Parson scores for Charlie.
- Parson takes the deal and tells Stanley to stand down. Wanda begs him not to, but "because of Fate" doesn't cut it like it used to.
The Settling of Dust (79-82 AW)
- Page 30: Peace breaks out.
- Day 4: Page 1 of the treaty between Charlescomm and Gobwin Knob, including the activation terms, the parties involved, and the definition of key terms.
- Page 31: Dry! Legal! ACTION!
- Days 4, 5 and 6: Page 2 of the treaty between Charlescomm and Gobwin Knob, including the terms of the agreement and special considerations.
- Page 32: Homes sweet homes.
- Day 6: Page 3 of the treaty between Charlescomm and Gobwin Knob, including the terms regarding disclosure, length of effect, and the penalties for breach.
- Page 33: We have their signatures! Let the forging begin.
- Day 7: Page 4 of the treaty between Charlescomm and Gobwin Knob, covering amendments, transferability and signatures.
- Page 34: My God, it's full of stars!
- Stanley is shown the throne room of Spacerock and asks questions about Parson's battle. Parson schedules a meeting to discuss Grand Strategy.
- Page 35: Behold the Square Table.
- Parson and Stanely arrive a little early to the meeting and discuss how Stanley's battle went.
- Page 36: Grand Strategy 101: Topic 1, Making Friends.
- Parson lectures the warlords and casters, and gets Stanley to consider diplomacy with the promise of future treachery.
- Page 37: Of scrolls and bowling men.
- Maggie and Parson discuss home, the Dismiss Perfect Warlord spell, and Maggie's new insight into the thinkamancy that ties units to the Arkentools.
- Page 38: I spy with my little bat...
- Vinnie is going stir-crazy in Faq, and almost walks in on Duncan and Vanna together.
- Page 39: Too many swords spoil the broth.
- Don and Jillian discuss the Duty and methods of a Ruler, and Jillian's coming Heir.
- Page 40: A new prince is popped for the circus.
- Prince Albert is popped, and demonstrates his Specials for Jill and her friends.
- Page 41: Maps for the map God!
- Gobwin Knob goes over the list of potential Sides to contact.
- Page 42: The joy of treachery.
- Parson talks with King Dickie and finds common ground. Maggie still insists on croaking Charlie.
- Page 43: Suddenly: Clothes shopping!
- Ace meets with Parson and lectures him on the importance of Signamancy and raiment.
The 150,000 Shmucker Question
- Page 44: Monologuing is mandatory.
- At the city of Jetstone, King Tramennis recites history and holds court.
- Page 45: Suddenly: Perfidy.
- Tramennis talks with the captured Archon Lilith, and offers to let her turn to Jetstone instead of being turned over to Charlescomm.
- Page 46: Lilith: 1 Charlescomm: nil.
- Charlie's Archons object, but Tramennis disputes the validity of their claim. Lilith manages to force Charlie to pay an outrageous sum not only to Jetstone, but to Gobwin Knob was well.
- Page 47: Suddenly: Chocolate.
- It's revealed that Wanda was watching the proceedings through Lilith's eyes, and Jack arrives with tea he foolamances into tasting like hot chocolate.
- Page 48: Suddenly: Mourning.
- Jack and Wanda discuss the wisdom of blind faith in Parson's plans, of sending Ansom off as an ambassador, and Jack nettles Wanda about the complicated relationship they all have with Jillian.
- Page 49: Ansom used to have one big button. Jack is seeing how many more he can find.
- Jack finds Ansom in the war room and starts probing him about recent events.
- Page 50: Ask not for whom the bell tolls...
- Jack and Ansom discuss unobtainable desires and feelings of hollowness.
- Page 51: Sizemore is the only one who cares about Zoning Ordinances
- Parson pitches the Tower-Golem idea to Sizemore, who is grumpy about not being able to personalize Spacerock and says it can't be done. Maggie says they should try anyway because sometimes they work.
- Page 52: It was if a thousand voices cried out in terror and said "Oh God, who told Stanley?"
- Ace, Maggie and Sizemore are linked and attempt to change the tower, while Parson and Stanley watch.
- Page 53: Spacerock receives a tourism upgrade.
- Splash page of the new tower.
- Page 54: Gobwin Knob goes head to head.
- Parson tries to figure out what just happened, but doesn't get helpful answers from his glasses or from the linked casters. In the end, he agrees with Stanley that this was not one of his more successful ideas.
- Page 55: Optimism and tranquility abound.
- Artemis and Downer guard the Spacerock portal and discuss the growing tensions in the Magic Kingdom. Jojo shows up and is immediately subdued.
- Page 56: Love's Labor: lost at last.
- On the walk to the Temple of the Thinkamancers, Parson and Jojo discuss what intel can be exchanged for a biography of Sylvia.
- Page 57: Parson pops the question.
- Roger puts on a show of giving Jojo the brush off, without showing that they're passing notes. Parson meets Isaac to unravel the link-up.
- Page 58: Stanley converses with the voices in his head.
- Stanley examines his new office in detail, and is the first to discover some of its capabilities. After some discussions and drinks he names the new tower.
Questions of Thought
- Page 59: Dwagon Astronomers encourage stargazing amidst the ranks.
- The Great Minds unlink Ace, Maggie and Sizemore. Afterwards, Isaac and Maggie describe what happened to the tower to Parson.
- Page 60: Good. Bad. She's the girl with the bats.
- Isaac wonders how much to tell Parson about Bunny and Baddies, and Parson lets him know that Gobwin Knob will be contacting her regardless.
- Page 61: Whom the Titans would destroy...
- Bunny sits in on the nightly chat between Don King and Benjamin. In addition to the usual debate, Caesar's future is discussed.
- Page 62: Like Mother, Like Son... think about it, won't you?
- Albert is put through combat exercises, while Jillian and Vinny look on.
- Page 63: It's all fun and games until Albert stabs you in the eye.
- Albert does not take Vinny's criticism well, and lashes out at the trooper who shot him down. Jillian immediately calls him on it and sends him to his room, leaving Duncan as Faq's Chief Warlord.
- Page 64: He's bloodthirsty, but not blood thirsty.
- Albert is forced to watch over the unit he incapacitated until they croak. Vinny visits to verify how much of a psycho Albert is, and explain the concept of consequences to him.
- Page 65: Careful Charlie, your roots are showing.
- Charlie offers Parson 75k shmuckers out of the blue, then offers to say why for 80k. Then he does it again.
- Page 66: So much for hitting the beach...
- Don and Bunny discuss whether she should visit the Magic Kingdom. The Great Minds are there to greet her as soon as she arrives.
- Page 67: Bunny speaks her mind, and Parson offers to let her speak.
- Parson and Bunny are formally introduced. Bunny goes over all the reasons Transylvito and Don wouldn't ally with Gobwin Knob, and Parson offers an incentive to convince them otherwise.
- Page 68: Now leaving: Ent City.
- Ansom sets out to meet with Jetstone diplomatically, and reflects on some parting words from Wanda and Jack.
- Page 69: ... over a peppy campfire tune.
- Charlie's Archons pick up Lilith from Jetstone and begin the trip back to Charlescomm. At the end of Turn, they proceed to abuse and debase her, while singing of their love of Charlescomm and Charlie.
- Page 70: How many roads must a twoll walk down?
- Zhopa travels from Gobwin Knob to Spacerock, and reports in to Stanley.
- Page 71: And they already come with their own face paint!
- Jed frets about how there's no heavy hitters around to protect Stanley and Spacerock, while Stanley has been working on his mellow with ukulele lessons and pointedly not thinking about how the hobgobwins left him. Jed suggests allying with elves since that's now an option, and we get our first glimpse of Juggle Elves.
Thoughts of Tricks
- Page 72: You can never have too many arrows.
- Artemis and Downer discuss with Parson their safety concerns about travelling in the Magic Kingdom. Parson decides the Hippiemancers can provide a suitably safe place to meet with Jojo.
- Page 73: Somewhere that's green~
- Parson has lunch with Janis and Jojo in the Glade of the Hippiemancers before talking in private. Parson shares what he knows about what happened to Sylvia, and Jojo shares how he forced Fate into keeping her alive as long as it did.
- Page 74: It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.
- Jojo and Parson discuss what it means to "beat" Fate, victory conditions, and how traits from our beginnings stay with us. Jojo challenges Parson to skip fighting Charlie so as to outsmart Fate itself.
- Page 75: Screw you guys, I'm not going home.
- Parson pointedly ignores Jojo after hearing his "Beat Fate, not Charlie" pitch, and the discussion breaks down shortly afterwards. Maggie gets wrought up when Parson teases her about leaving, and he accidentally gets Janis to reveal that she helped broker the creation of the Summon Perfect Warlord spell.
- Page 76: In the air and in the water... is either king grounded?
- Tramennis, in flight, receives a thinkagram from Don King, at the pool, to discuss Parson's offer of peace. Before Tramennis can share news of his own imminent peace talks, Don is called away.
- Page 77: How does mansquatch sound? Like man's crotch
- Caesar plans the assault of Carphone with some of Transylvito's warlords from the captured city of Cartoonito, but is forced to postpone them by the news that Aqua Velva is under siege.
- Page 78: Parson has to decide if he wants to spend the night at Janis' place or Maggie's.
- Parson starts to say goodnight to Janis, but is tempted into staying the night in the Glade when she reveals that she knows a few things about Carnymancy herself. Maggie assures him that the Hippies are at least as safe as the Great Minds, and Janis assures him that she has no problems with the soldiers.
- Page 79: Send for Lancelot, Parson's in peril!
- Some of the economic divisions of the Magic Kingdom are described, and Parson finds out he's got Rands to spend. Janis offers her service as a guru, and convinces Parson to agree to a one-on-one appointment. In her yurt, the conversation drifts from Date-a-mancy and the connections between units, to Janis offering to teach Parson about love.
- Page 80: Did a Florist cast "wallflower" on Maggie?
- Parson feels awkward about misinterpreting Janis' offer, but she's cool about it. They discuss what love and relationships were like in Parson's world, and the concepts of family, marriage and pregnancy blow Janis' mind. Janis asks about Parson's relationships there, and in Erfworld. She hints that love isn't out of the question for him in Erfworld, and Parson immediately knows that she means Maggie.
- Page 81: Maybe Parson can find some Beer Goggles instead of a love potion.
- Parson doesn't feel comfortable about Maggie's feelings, primarily because he doesn't return them. Janis is aghast when he suggests using a love potion, and suggests tabling the discussion for now.
- Page 82: Parson and the amazing technicolour dreamhut.
- Day 13: Parson and Maggie discuss what's going on back at the homefront and are unaware of Stanley making contact with the Juggle Elves. Parson shows off the new notebook Janis gave him, which uses Signamancy to render it illegible to anyone else.
Meetings and Accommodations
- Page 83: Stanley embraces his nearly dwarvish blood.
- Stanley meets with the Juggle Elves. Odie Ose, the Superfluous Elf from the first Royal Crown Coalition, convinces the Juggle Elves to consider his offer and all parties find a common connection in their hatred for Royalty. Stanley has some new knights, and the Juggles have an ally.
- Page 84: Pickelhaube, meet Pickel-lord.
- Ansom arrives at Jetstone and is shown to his room. Tramennis amuses himself by ambushing his brother.
- Page 85: "Step into my Parlor," Said the King to the Potato.
- Ansom and Tramennis catch up with each other. Tramennis refuses to confirm or deny if he's a ditto, and invites Parson to visit Jetstone in person. We also get a glimpse into Lloyd the Dittomancer's personal quarters.
- Page 86: Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.
- Lilith is finally returned to Charlescomm.
- Page 87: Have you tried our artisanal micro-batch localvore sangria? It's organic!
- Maggie stomps some grapes with a couple of hippies while Parson takes notes on what's he's learned about Carnymancy and Janis' particular brand of Erfworld mysticism.
- Page 88: Touch my skin and tell me what you're thinking.
- Lilith is brought inside Charlescomm and strapped to a table. Charlie comes down to personally handle the situation.
- Page 89: Oh no! Scribbling!
- Parson's notes on Flower Power and poisons (combat and social), and the vague beginnings of an attack plan for Charlescomm. Something startles Maggie.
- Page 90: Behold! A tropical snowman!
- Parson and the GK casters leave the Glade and return to Spacerock. Parson is put out about only just now learning about what's been going on with Lilith and Stanley.
- Page 91: Come on, again?! We just rebooted her like, a week ago!
- Parson finds Wanda frozen. Jack worries that Charlie may be responsible by a connection through Lilith, but Parson decides that sending Maggie in as mental back-up is worth the risk.
- Page 92: Echoes of Goodminton.
- Maggie scouts out what's going on in Wanda's head. Both of them are horrified by what Charlie is doing to Lilith. Maggie requests permission to take a shot at Charlie.
- Page 93: Have fun storming the castle!
- Charlie's invasion of Lilith's mind, from her perspective. Things seem to be in hand until Charlie starts converting Lilith's forces against her.
- Page 94: No one distresses a damsel on Wanda's watch!
- Charlie has nearly overrun Lilith and breached her final defenses when Wanda appears and starts reclaiming the subverted mental units.
- Page 95: Wanda's ire, more fierce than fire...
- Wanda and Maggie reconvene after repelling Charlie's mental forces and assess the damage. Wanda picks out the G-String that's keeping Lilith a prisoner and breaks it with the Arkenpliers, while Maggie prepares to continue the assault on Charlie into the real world.
- Page 96: Oh man, Lilith shot Fifinella in the face!
- Lilith croaks one of the archons and arms herself with the rifle. Charlie starts to offer another deal, but Lilith opts to croak Fifinella instead. Before taking a shot at Charlie though, Maggie and Wanda start arguing.
- Page 97: Mess with the best, die like the rest.
- Maggie and Wanda continue their debate while the remaining archon moves Charlie into a vault. Wanda is able to overpower Maggie, which breaks their Thinkamantic connection as well. Lilith snaps out of her stupor, but the vault is securely closed by then.
- Page 98: I Walk The (bottom) Line.
- Parson confirms that Maggie needs immediate medical attention, while Wanda goes back to pushing for decrypting everyone. Parson starts to pull rank on Wanda, but is interrupted by Jack who informs him that the Treasury has been reduced to 88 thousand shmuckers. Lilith continues to tear through Charlie's units and Gobwin Knob's Treasury.
The Great Escape
- Page 99: Where Archons fear to tread...
- Page 100: The first thing we do, let's disband all the archons...
- Page 101: Kicking it Up the Thick Gold Chain of Command.
- Page 102: Switching from a murder spree to a shopping spree.
- Lilith got the message from Stanley and reports in to Parson via thinkagram. She is horrified by how much damage she's done to her side by trying to uphold her Duty, but remains professional and tries to give Parson all the important intel she's gathered. Among other things, she reveals that Wanda ordered her to spare Charlie. Parson is unsurprised, and orders her to start looting arms and fallen archons to pass through the portal to the Magic Kingdom.
- Page 103: Like A Good Neighbor, Marie LaVraie Is There.
- Lilith gets to work on her new assignment while Parson and the casters head back into the Magic Kingdom to collect the guns. With Maggie out of commission Parson can't order Artemis and the troops to meet him, so he has Jack cast a veil and prepare to run for it. On the other side, they are immediately greeted by Artemis and the troops and the Predictamancer Marie LaVraie.
- Page 104: Death Wish II: She's refilling the treasury... HER way!
- Lilith encounters a bomb trap on her way to the portal and decides that getting Gobwin Knob's shmuckers back is more important than getting the guns and units to Parson. She finds a trap she thinks has a better chance of dusting her, but it fails to trigger. A flicker of movement convinces her to use the last of her juice, revealing the stacks of archons surrounding her.
- Page 105: There's no time like the futur... Aaaaaaaaarrggggh!!! Ghosts!!!!!
- Marie LaVraie joins the Gobwin Knob entourage and offers Parson a healing scroll for Maggie... just not yet. When Parson tries to push for its immediate use, Wanda cuts in with an admission that she did, in fact, stop Lilith from attempting to croak Charlie. When asked for a reason, Wanda claims that because Parson is the one Fated to do the deed, there was no actual hope for Lilith's success.
- Page 106: CHARLESCOMM REQUESTS PARLEY. PLEASE RESPOND.
- Lilith confronts the archons blocking her. She attempts to soft sell them on decryption and is about to describe Charlie's appearance when she is bombarded by thinkagram hails. While disoriented, they relieve her of the fallen archons she had collected which prompts Lilith to make a run back to the Dirtamancy trap she'd seen earlier. Before Lilith can trigger it, one of the archons rushes past her to do it herself, thus thwarting her suicide attempt. In doing so however, the archon blasts a hole into the floor below and provides Lilith with a new fallen archon.
- Page 107: Whispers of a twin tailed fox.
- A peek into the internal communications of Charlescomm. Charlie doesn't allow his archons to pursue Lilith past their clearance levels, gets the details on a lot of weapons, tells Bonnie to prep the portal room, and chats with Tondelayo. He confirms that the standing orders, codenamed Big Game, are to NOT capture Lilith yet, to NOT croak Parson if possible, but that if it comes down to it he is willing to wipe out the entire party outside his portal and ruin his reputation in the Magic Kingdom. The page ends with the current value of Charlie's treasury and his off-the-books gem hoard.
- Page 108: Sounds like you should've just let her fight him.
- Parson asks for Marie's opinion on Wanda's plan of going through the portal to take on Charlie personally. He outlines several reasons why he's against it, but is willing to consider it if promised that Fate would make him unstoppable. Marie agrees that it's a bad plan, and tells Wanda that she should've let Lilith take a shot at Charlie. Wanda is nonplussed at that assessment.
- Page 109: Cholly the Cheatah says stay in school, kids!
- Wanda defends the choice to not let Lilith attack Charlie by claiming that Fate would've stopped it anyway but Marie is unimpressed, since she's the one who taught Wanda everything she knows about Fate. Parson starts to chime in with ways to kill Charlie if he's already dead or how someone else could do it and Parson would still be considered responsible.
- Page 110: It's not easy, but Lilith manages to go even lower than Charlie.
- Page 111: Thank you for your interest, but Gobwin Knob is not hiring at this time.
- Parson doesn't have any good ideas, and can't afford to hire Marie LaVraie after a bad one. Wanda checks in on Lilith just in time to see her fire the RPG, whose explosion is shielded from Charlescomm units by Charlie's inner portal room. There is nothing to protect Marie or Parson from the debris that comes flying through the portal, however.
- Page 112: We always knew Charlie was a good griefer.
- Meanwhile, Charlie finishes a tarot reading and discusses his concerns with Tondelayo and Queenie. Although confident in the imminent success of Operation: Big Game, he's still wary about Fate throwing him a curveball. At that moment, the RPG goes off and knocks out the power in Charlescomm and his connection to the Arkendish. Charlie's face is revealed in the last panel.
- Page 113: Power Word: Retcon!
- Bonnie tries to alert Charlie about the explosion that rocked Level 40, but is unable to connect through the usual channels. She immediately tells one archon to try to get a thinkagram to him directly and starts mobilizing the rest of them. She looks in on the portal just in time to see Lilith swinging her croaked archon through to Parson.
- Page 114: Special Delivery for Parson Gotti! (COD)
- Parson reestablishes order around the portal. In asking after Marie's health, she reveals that the scroll she's been holding on to is a mass Healomancy spell, meant to heal everyone when the time is right. Jack interrupts with the news that Gobwin Knob's treasury is now empty. Just as Parson starts to assume the worst, Lilith's delivery of guns and dead archon arrive through the portal.
- Page 115: These are Parson's guns now. There are many like them, but these ones are his now.
- Charlie is lifted up the tower by his archons and muses about what he'll claim as payment for the last contract violation. Parson handles a gun and doesn't know how to use it, while Marie suddenly knows enough to give him a quick lesson. Parson starts to get an idea of just how much power Charlie could've brought to bear at any time, and starts to worry about what Charlie will claim as payment once Jack reminds him.
- Page 116: It was time for Parson to pay for his terrible war crimes.
- Charlie arrives at the secondary Arkendish connection point and gets a status update for his city. Not wanting to give Parson any time to prepare, Charlie fires off a claim for contract violation as quickly as possible. Parson peruses the options presented to him, but ends up opting to parley with Charlie before agreeing to anything. Exactly as Charlie planned...
The Crisis of Treachery
- Page 117: Parson shows his true colours.
- Page 118: Marie offers her services as an unaffiliated third party.
- Page 119: A baffling occurance.
- Jack observes the moment of Parson's turning in great detail. He resolves a tense standoff between Parson and Marie by suggesting Marie predicts Parson's immediate future, which leads to Parson being allowed to enter Charlescomm's portal unmolested. But not without the parting gift of a baffle from Jack.
- Page 120: Charlescomm unleashed their new improved Blunderbuss.
- Lilith is worried by the news of Parson's imminent arrival in Charlie's capital, while Parson prepares to step into the portal, a veil of his old colours being placed upon him as he does. Bonnie is informed that Parson has turned to Charlescomm but responds too slowly to prevent her forces from violently reacting to the apparent invasion.
- Page 121: From Charlescomm with love.
- Lilith charges into Lord Hamster as bullets tear into him, knocking him back through the portal. Portal Park is raked with machine gun fire, slaying many.
- Page 122: The unicycle of treachery.
- Page 123: Headless chicken mode engaged.
- Page 124: Assuming direct control.
- Page 125: Jack and the Beans talk.
- Page 126: Into the portal of death, flew the half dozen.
- Bonnie gives the trembling archons of invasion force their orders, commanding them to strike down Lord Hamster and Lady Wanda Firebaugh. She then orders a charge through the portal.
- Page 127: Goodminton strikes again!: Charlie's foxtrot vs a dancing Hamster.
- Wanda smells battle. She remembers her old side of Goodminton and the battle she fought to defend their capital. Silencing dissenters, she organises her forces, hires Marie and orders a link formed between Jack, Marie and Maggie, asking that they paint the enemy Archons for her forces. Wanda then orders her troops to dance, aided by her new Rhyme-o-mancer, who even enables Lord Hamster to dance. The fighting commences as lead rains down upon her army.
- Page 128: Playing chess with the lives of men...
- The linked casters discuss how best to fulfill Wanda's orders. They observe the two armies and the clouds of numbers forming around the battle and note that several persons are defended by bubbles of fate. They choose to defend the other friendly units and provide targeting assistance.
- Page 129: Dance magic, dance...
- Archons pour through the portal and appear pleased to having survived doing so. They spot their enemies and engage them, despite the many casters opposing them, the dancing and being painted by enemy foolamancy. They strike down a Bean, but fail to hit their primary targets, despite shooting Hamster's sword from his hand. [Lilith] screens for Hamster and prepares to attack.
- Page 130: Even the dogs are fighting.
- Wanda's Archons move to intercept Charlie's, engaging them in a brutal dog fight. Two are shot down from both side, with Lilith alone surviving, incapacitated. The surviving invasion archons realise their veils are blown and retreat as another of their number is shot down by anti archon fire. On the other side of their portal, a signal bullet alerts Bonnie to the ongoing fighting and she prepares to lead her remaining forces into the MK.
- Page 131: Sudden undeath.
- Appraised of the tactical situation by a subordinate, Bonnie orders the retrieval of her comrades bodies, fearing their decryption. Her followers refuse however, as their veils are worthless. She resolves herself to recovering them herself and orders covering fire, before leaping into action. The linked casters observe the battle and feel a tipping point is coming, but fear their link is fading. Bonnie reaches Sandy's corpse, but she's decrypted at that very moment. She grapples Bonnie and mocks her foolishness as other Knobian units charge.
- Page 132: Behold the Pink doom.
- As Bonnie is slain, Sandy spots her former sisters preparing to fire. She takes to the sky as a machine gun mows down a stack of inf, then blasts the gunners. Bonnie is decrypted as Artemis orders the coup de grâce. The remaining archons are overwhelmed and Artemis orders the dead claimed for Wanda. As the battle ends, a rogue caster, with a caster resembling the terrifying Nui Harime beside him, blasts Sandy out of the air.
- Page 133: Zelda's hopes were crushed.
- The linked casters realize too late that the barbarian casters are launching an attack and that Wanda's fate bubble is being overwhelmed. Their attempts to warn her are thwarted as the link fails, incapacitating all three. Wanda sees a weird image but is incapacitated before she realises what it means. Downer orders Wanda to be defended as all hellabad breaks lose. The Knobians take heavy fire as Hamster abandons his post.
- Page 134: X marks the spot.
- Hamster stumbles towards the formerly linked casters as Decrypted soldiers dust around him. He trips as he grabs a fallen rifle. Artemis orders the flying knights to veil, fly and then pick off hostile casters, silencing Bonnie's objections. Hamster has crawled to the linked casters and converses with Marie, who says there is no hope and this is time to say goodbye. He disagrees as he tried to remember how to operate the rifle, but she is shot dead.
- Page 135: Down, down, down.
- As veiled archons fly over head and Downer is hit by enemy spellfire, a rouge caster exhorts others to break the magick kingdom's neutrality. Aeris Gainsborough appears to be among the attackers. Downer dusts as the surviving Knobians trade fire with rogue casters. The situation is shown from a distance as more and more renegade casters pile in.
- Page 136: Stop! Thief!
- Freshly decrypted, Bonnie thinks about how much better things would be if she was in charge, before joing the fight against her former sisters. After Sandy is hit by unexpected fire, Bonnie contemplates the power of the tripods as the barbarians start to rage. Unfortunately, she is unable to appraise Artemis of their usefulness before being ordered to move behind enemy lines. She mopes to herself about being called a knight and having to take orders from mere warlords. After contemplating how bad the tacsit is, she picks off a croakamancer, Beth Knell, mid-spell, then worries about what will happen to Wanda and the Arkenpliers. She flies back to Wanda. Regretting having no plan to save her, she flies off with the pliers.
- Page 137: Brave Lord Hamster ran away. Bravely ran away, away!
- Hamster whinges and asks Artemis to order a retreat. She refuses on grounds that there's nowhere to run and tells him to watch his flank. Hamster suggests they run into a random portal and beg for mercy. Artemis objects to this plan, but is shot, collapsing unconscious on top of Wanda. Back in command, Hamster prepares to retreat as Aeris watches from behind cover.
- Page 138: Venus Archon trap.
- One of Charlie's agents, Ivan Poe, a dirtamancer, digs up through the bedrock with a special carniemancy tool and lurks within the tunnel between Spacerock's portal and the city of Gobwin Knob's defunct portal. He prepares a trap with the aim of preventing any knobians from escaping, choosing to set a trap to guard against Sizemore, the enemy unit he fears the most. Bonnie thinks about how important it is she escapes with the pliers and her intelligence. She remembers the plan involves a portal amubush and worries about having been spotted. She flies to the portal at speed, trusting her survival to fate. She flies through the portal as the pit trap triggers, to Ivan's disappointment.
- Page 139: Decisions, decisions.
- Engaged in advanced thinkamancy, the great minds contemplate the events of portal park, but are unable to reach a decision about anything, save to do nothing. As the battle in portal park rages towards its inevitable conclusion, Roger hopes to prevent any action. The other minds wish to use a special spell, the collide-o-scope to end the fighting. Roger feels he can prevent this, despite standing alone in his objection, but notices that Hamster is planning to flee the kingdom. He hastily agrees and their spell warps portal park in the perception of the combatants.
- Page 140: Revenge of the Kaleidoscope.
- Hamster orders a retreat, worrying about how to surrender before being killed, but all is thrown into chaos by the great minds. Aeris, Wanda, Artemis and others are shown, apparently distorted by the sorcery. Hamster staggers around, carrying Jack and Maggie, trying desperately to reach a portal despite the enchantment, as he notices the enemy fire had slackened immensely. Somehow, he is able to put his hand through a portal and pulls himself through. He surrenders to the portal's guard dolls and is taken prisoner. It is then revealed that he has invaded the city of Transylvito, the capital of an RCC side and a vampire stronghold.
- Page 141: No good deed goes unpunished.
- Ace admires a rifle as Bonnie's wounds are tended to. Stanley informs Sizemore of his promotion to Chief Caster by eyebook. An overview of portal park is shown, caster bodies being lain out in rows, archon bodies being left piled in a heap, Wanda has been healed and is being held captive along with her remaining followers. Hamster and Charlie are shown brooding on recent events. Thus ends Book 3, the Hamsterdance and the Charlie Foxtrot.
- Page 142: So many questions!
- Page 143: Elves of breeding
- Page 144: Turn be gone.
- Page 145: Have you see this Hamster?
- Page 146: A meeting of bats.
- Page 147: Smug goeth before a fall.
- Page 148: In the dark of the night...
- Page 149: Blood, Blood, poisonous blood, nothing quite like it for spoiling the mud.
- Page 150: From Hellabad's heart I gossip at thee.
- Page 151: Cat's cradle of doom.
- Page 152: The ugly, the bad and the good.
- Page 153: Those who the Titans wish to destroy, they first make mad.
- Page 154: Playing with dollies.
- Page 157: Same bat time, same bat channel.
- Page 158: The last supper.
- Page 159: Rest for the wicked.
- Page 160: The Rubicon beckons.
The Magick Kingdom beckons
- Page 161: Wall of plots.
- Page 162: Always tell him the odds.
- Page 163: Dinner approaches the table/The Chess Pieces take their places
Learning from History
Plots of Rescue
- Page 167: In the powder room.
- Page 168: The return of the Warlord formerly titled Prince.
- Page 169: Sisterless.
- Page 170: Misery loves company.
Suspicion and Blame
- Page 171: Confronting the archtraitoress.
- Page 172: Laying the seeds of her own destruction.
- Page 173: Jetstone's lack of honour.
- Page 174: Prince Charming's lament.
- Page 175: In the belly with the beast.
At the Glade
- Page 176: Justice! Or the lack thereof.
- Page 180: The great escape.
- Page 181: Extreme Sleepwalking.
- Page 182: Hamster's Villainous Plans.
- Page 183: To trust or not to trust?
- Page 184: Do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred Quatloo.
- Page 185: Suddenly: SNABU.
- Page 186: Rubicon: Crossed. Self: Jinxed.
Spacerock: The Saga Continues
- Page 187: His heart is Wanda's.
- Page 188: Beware: He comes.
- Page 189: Ace: The most inaccurate name on Erf.
- Page 197: When danger rears her pretty head...
- Page 198: A truly shocking display of structuralism.
From Cells to Majesty
- Page 199: His domain for a bracer
- Page 200: The deal of a lifetime.
- Page 201: It all ends in crocodile tears.
The Cells, the Cells
- Page 206: The stakes are high, battle is imminent.
- Page 207: Red sky at night, casters take?
- Page 208: A new low.
- Page 209: Your sins will find you out.
- Page 210: So it begins...
- Page 211: Don't croak the messengers.
- Page 212: The worst of all sides bear the worst of all weapons.
- Page 213: Evil trumphs.
- Page 214: Mass Murder.
- Page 215: An audience with the evil dark Queen.
- Page 216: The crunch.
- Page 217: Pyrrhic Checkmate.
- Page 218: Ave Caesar.
- Page 219: For Bunny.
- Page 220: The lucky idiot.
The Great Escape Redux
- Page 221: Freedom!
- Page 222: Evil lays the seeds of its own destruction.
- Page 223: Curse this sudden yet inevitable betrayal.
- Page 224: A shocking turn of events.
- Page 225: Locked bunker mystery.
- Page 226: The scribbles, the scribbles.
- Page 227: The justifications of team evil.
- Page 228: The agony of truth.
- Page 229: The dollference.
- Page 230: Persistence.
- Page 231: Reunited.
- Page 232: Decrypted assemble.
- Page 233: Flawless Victory.
- Page 234: A moment of silence.
- Page 235: Screeeeam.
- Page 236: An important posting.
- Page 237: Sudden door.
- Page 238: Subject: Faq.
- Page 239: Pew! Pew! Boring conversation anyway...
- Page 240: A few minutes earlier.
- Page 241: None shall pass.
- Page 242: Temple Down.
- Page 243: And there was much rejoicing.
- Page 244: Envy.
- Page 245: Follow the White Rabbit.
- Page 246: Now you see her...
Chaos and Doom
- Page 247: Habit breaking.
- Page 248: It Sees. It Knows.
- Page 249: Behind door number one...
- Page 250: Decrypted sing their happy song.
- Page 251: There'll be no escape for the decrypted this time.
- Page 252: Transmission incoming from the big giant head.
- Page 253: Dust to Dust.
- Page 254: It comes.
- Page 255: The power of croakamancy.
- Page 256: To portal park!
- Page 257: His domain for a translator.
- Page 258: At the park's gate.
- Page 259: Lurking in the dark...
- Page 260: Join me and together...
- Page 261: Inevitably: Treachery.
- Page 262: A new low.
- Page 263: Deal or no Deal?
- Page 264: The strings of puppets.
- Page 265: Diplomatic Hegemonising Caster.
- Page 266: The gems, the gems.
- Page 267: Bedrock man.
- Page 268: Cowboy sealers.
- Page 269: Pretty maids all in a row.
- Page 270: Tower defence game.
- Page 271: Railroading.
- Page 272: Cassandra's warning.
- Page 273: Live the dream.
- Page 274: Weaving doom.
- Page 275: One must not cheat.
- Page 276: Beware! It lives.
- Page 277: Judgement.
- Page 278: Comforting dolls.
- Page 279: Promises, promises.
- Page 280: The turning of coats.
- Page 281: Surely not?
- Page 282: The cells go ever on and on.
- Page 283: Plans and dolls.
- Page 284: A Master of Lies.
- Page 285: To the bat cave.
- Page 286: Down, down to Archon Town...
- Page 287: Strings and things.
- Page 288: A hole in the head.
- Page 289: Interruption.
- Page 290: Mother May I?
- Page 291: CharliexShirley
- Page 292: The wisdom of the Tower
- Page 293: Notes noted.
- Page 294: The forest.
- Page 295: Geronimo.
- Page 296: Consequences.
- Page 297: Doll watching.
- Page 298: Splashdown.