Quotes: Charlie

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Quotes from Charlie

Charlie's Rules

  • 1. Always have the best plan in the game.
  1. Corollary: If they have a better plan than we do, then our plan is to disrupt their plan.Hvs.tCF 106
  2. Lilith's Corollary Because of Rule 1, the plan against Charlie is always to disrupt his plan.Hvs.tCF 106
  • 3: We are in the business of solving problems for our clients.
  1. Corollary: Creating problems for our clients creates business.LIAB Prologue 25
  • 9: If they swing, make 'em miss. If they flee, make 'em run somewhere worse. But if they just stand there, pull the rug out from under 'em.LIAB 78
  • 15: Some things are more important than money.
  1. Corollary: Most things are not more important than money.LIAB Prologue 25
  • 16. Of the few things more important than money, Charlie's attention is the most scarce and valuable. Spend it wisely.
  1. Corollary: Being always on Charlie's mind, you are richer than any ruler.Hvs.tCF 93
  2. Lilith's Corollary: Consuming the enemy's attention hurts him even more than consuming his money.Hvs.tCF 93
  • 17: Don't bet on the lame runner, unless you know you can shoot the healthy one.
  1. Corollary: Betting on the healthy runner and shooting the lame one is the better bet.LIAB Text 53
  • 19: Charlie's rules need to be bent sometimes.TBFGK 67

Book 0: Inner Peace (through Superior Firepower)

You know, most of what goes on in Erfworld is pretty dull, after a while. It’s all the same ebb and flow of battle, conquest, alliance, diplomacy, treachery... But this is pretty novel, isn’t it? A trial? - IPTSF Text 69

[We’d like to forego any further violence, if that can be.] Also novel! And very civilized. - IPTSF Text 69

I mean, I don’t know much about you, King Banhammer, but your warlord there hires out her sword to do violence all over the West. And she’s pretty good at it, too. - IPTSF Text 69

You know, I’d always wondered where you were based. We never tracked you all the way home to wherever 'Faq' was. - IPTSF Text 69

My time can be had for most any reason, at the rate of eighty shmuckers a minute. - IPTSF Text 69

Silence! You’ll soon raze this city. This is my final chance to employ this apparatus and appear as...the Wizaaaaard! - IPTSF Text 79

Sensible! - IPTSF Text 79

Conscience is interwoven in the aggression structure. It’s all one framework. [What? How can that be?] It’s a framework of moral comprehension. Simple. But it’s too big a job, for what you want to do. - IPTSF Text 81

Thiss iss what I was looking fohhr! - IPTSF Text 81

Tool of the enemy. Hhhelp me kill it! - IPTSF Text 81

[What was it? A tool of what enemy?] The only one worth fighting. Don’t ever find out. Trussst me. - IPTSF Text 81

You can pull out whatever else you don’t like in here. I really don’t care. - IPTSF Text 81

Book 1: The Battle for Gobwin Knob

I have a mission for you, Archons. - TBFGK 42

May I call you... "mind slave?" - TBFGK 89

M'glad you think so! - TBFGK 89

Are we talking surrender terms here, or...? ... no. I think you've got something more interesting in mind. - TBFGK 89

Switching sides in the middle of this or any conflict would damage my reputation too much. - TBFGK 90

TA-DA! - TBFGK 100

CharlsNChrg: *sigh* It would be Jaclyn. I'll miss her. - TBFGK 100

CharlsNChrg: I've come up with a solution to your predicament, Parson. :) - TBFGK 104

CharlsNChrg: I'd also like the smart Warlord that comes with it, but I'll pry it from his remains if I must. :) - TBFGK 105

CharlsNChrg: Now see... that's not even plausible. - TBFGK 105

CharlsNChrg: The fact that I know you aren't lying actually makes it even more imperative that I get you working for me. - TBFGK 105

CharlsNChrg: However... who could resist a show like that! - TBFGK 105

CharlsNChrg: Don't laugh, Champ. It might be true. - TBFGK 105

CharlsNChrg: When you're working for Charlescomm, you'll learn. We prefer to play games that don't even contain a losing outcome. You see? - TBFGK 130

CharlsNChrg: No, I got paid to turn it into a no-lose situation. :) - TBFGK 130

CharlsNChrg: And where will you really be? - TBFGK 130

CharlsNChrg: What are you doing with the mountain? - TBFGK 136

CharlsNChrg: There's still a way to deal. - TBFGK 136

Book 2: Love is a Battlefield

CharlsNChrg: If I tell them what happened, freely, then they won't believe it. But if I charge them what the information is worth, then they'll buy it. - LIAB Prologue 1

CharlsNChrg: Maybe I don't want you to believe it. :) - LIAB Prologue 1

CharlsNChrg: That was clever, though, right? [Sure.] Determining the decision not to spend all the calculations. Cost: one calculation. :) [Teaching me that my bracer can make sophisticated predictions about the future? Priceless.] ... :( - LIAB Prologue 18

Questions about how I know things are some of the most problematic for me in terms of providing an answer. I'm in a complex position, in which I have access to the proprietary information of many clients, and constraints both ethical and contractual governing the release of-- - LIAB Prologue 20

I lost more than you can know. My secrets have been compromised. You can't imagine what that may mean. - LIAB Prologue 20

CharlsNChrg: People are talking. [Are they?] They are talking about talking. About the talking you're doing. [Me? I'm not talking to anybody. I'm not even sure we're talking right now. What are you talking about?] I'm talking about the talking your Prince Ansom has been doing. - LIAB Prologue 27

CharlsNChrg: I'm nobody's tool, Parson. - LIAB Prologue 27

CharlsNChrg: But it seems at least as likely that they are choosing their own meaning. Writing their own narrative. - LIAB Prologue 27

CharlsNChrg: Simple. Croak a "Tool." - LIAB Prologue 18

CharlsNChrg: Parson, is it actually your goal to make me hate you more every time we chat? - LIAB Prologue 27

Please don't talk to this Caster. - LIAB Text 14

But my plans don't always work out, especially when I'm taking more of a consulting role. - LIAB Text 17

I'm in the business of understanding. And also of Thinkamancy. - LIAB Text 17

I also can't let Gobwin Knob know I'm working against them. [What do you care? Stanley hates you anyway.] I said 'Gobwin Knob.' I didn't say 'Stanley.' - LIAB Text 17

Ambush? Capital idea, Highness. - LIAB Text 18

If you deviate from my instructions, then that picture of the sun rising over your pretty city will happen exactly one more time. - LIAB Text 18

Not feeling it. - LIAB 39

Really? You called to talk about your boyfriend? Really, Jillian? [Did you?] Yes, of course I did! - LIAB 39

[They can't do anything.] Yes. They can. - LIAB 39

Look. I have important people to talk to. - LIAB 39

The rumors which surround me are myriad, you know. Myth and legend, wild speculation, paranoid suspicions... - LIAB 40

Well now that's simply slander. - LIAB 40

Your new counterpart: Parson Gotti, Lord Hamster of Gobwin Knob. The more-than-perfect-warlord. He is the most dangerous being in Erfworld. - LIAB 41

I'll send you a dossier. - LIAB 41

It was a joke. Cruel one, I'll admit. - LIAB 89

Yes it is true, and yes I do know, and this conversation will go much faster if you'll assume I know everything, and don't ask me how. - LIAB 89

We kill the fat man. - LIAB 89

CharlsNChrg: Either GTFO or DIAF, your choice. - LIAB 108

CharlsNChrg: Better luck next life. - LIAB 108

CharlsNChrg: Trolling you is just a collateral benefit. U mad bro? - LIAB Epilogue 25

CharlsNChrg: Does Gobwin Knob have any friends? - LIAB Epilogue 25

CharlsNChrg: If you're planning to come after me, you should rethink it. You haven't seen the barest hint of what I can do to shut you down. - LIAB Epilogue 25B

CharlsNChrg: I have tricks you can't imagine. Stuff I've never had to use. Yet. - LIAB Epilogue 25B

Book 3: Hamsterdance vs. the Charlie Foxtrot

[Thought you weren't talking to me, Charlie.] I'm not, if I can help it. It's always a painful exercise. - Hvs.tCF 10

We're going to do a little strongarm negotiation. Put the screws to him. As Turnamancer, you'll be the one turning the screws. You're the muscle. - Hvs.tCF 13

We're taking a little bit of a time out, here, Vurp. A little "free-action" action? - Hvs.tCF 16

These are my best natural allies. Recognize them? [Gobwins? -Erf!] Thriving. In greater numbers than you've ever seen. - Hvs.tCF 17

Don't let your sense of loyalty trap you, Vurp. Charlescomm can pay you more. A lot more. - Hvs.tCF 17

CharlsNChrg: Parson... I want her for reasons that don't have anything to do with you. - Hvs.tCF 28

CharlsNChrg: I've got a bunch of carrots to offer you. But you're not interested. So fine, let's talk about sticks. - Hvs.tCF 28

CharlsNChrg: Who are you talking to right now? Who am I? What do I do for a living? - Hvs.tCF 28

CharlsNChrg: All you can infer from that is that I have higher priorities than my war with you. But if you mess those up for me, then you'll jump to the top of my list. You don't ever want to be at the top of my list, Parson. - Hvs.tCF 28

CharlsNChrg: iguaranteeit.jpg - Hvs.tCF 28

CharlsNChrg: It's atypically straightforward, yes. - Hvs.tCF 65

CharlsNChrg: Deep in my heart of hearts, I truly, honestly, sincerely did it... to scam you out of 5K. - Hvs.tCF 65

CharlsNChrg: I used to do stuff like that to your boss all the time. Thought you'd be a bit smarter than him. - Hvs.tCF 65

Magic Words

Broca, Brodmann, Werneke... Trephine. - Hvs.tCF 93