Jed

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Maui Zowie!
Jed the Head
Spacerock City
Race: Tower / City
Faction: Gobwin Knob
Special: Sentinel

Proposed Canon

First appearance: Hvs.tCF 53

Jed is a sentient tower with golem-like qualities. It was reconstructed from the Tower of Jenga shortly after Parson Gotti upgraded the city of Spacerock.

Stanley the Tool lives in Jed's hat. The Jed Eye Knights live behind Jed's eyes.

In his experiments with caster links, Parson wanted to see if a Dirtamancy/Dollamancy caster link could turn a tower into some form of enormous golem. During the link-up, Sizemore, Ace Hardware, and Maggie agreed that, due to the intrinsic nature of the tower, it would be impossible to imbue the tower with motion. But they also realized that other possibilities were open to them. They discovered that towers actually have primitive minds, and they were able to awaken Jed into sentience.

Using Dirtamancy and Dollamancy's power to build golems and reshape cities, they were then able to let the tower pick out a new appearance for itself. Among other things, the tower remodeled Stanley's office to have a tiki bar and a hot tub.

The tower is now able to manage itself and see to its occupant's needs. It takes an active role in managing the defense of the city, aware of what units are present in Spacerock and suggesting additions to Stanley.

Jed is currently known to have the following abilities:

  • Speech
  • Manipulate the faces of its many masks.
  • Highlight items within itself with a white aura.
  • Observe its occupants and sense their mood.
  • At the bar, suggest cocktail-recipes.
  • Unspecified elemental powers it can use to protect the city.
  • Was somehow able to sense that the Juggle Elves were using destructive foraging in Rightshoring territory.
  • Transmit Maggie Thinkagrams.
  • Juice source for Maggie

Despite its intelligence, it does not qualify as a unit, nor is it subject to orders.Hvs.tCF 252

Stanley can detect no upkeep for the new structure, and Parson's attempts to view it's stats through the 3D Glasses are evocative but uninformative.


Jed's words

Jed uses his own set of words when referring to people and things. They are various words of Hawaiian language:

Name Person / Thing rough translation
Kahuna Stanley chief, leader, caretaker
Wahine Bonnie woman
Makuahine Maggie mother
Kanakanui Parson powerful man
Kilo Honua Sizemore the one who observes/studies earth
Makaleka Maggie Doll hawaiian female given name, a variant of "Margaret"; also a series of hawaiian souvenir dolls
kipi dirty trick, treason dirty trick, treason
Kahuna Kolohe Charlie mischievous chief, chief rascal
Kahuna 'ea Wanda Firebaugh chief/priest that could raise the dead
okole butt butt
chee pono All right! expression of satisfaction, gratification or elation
mahalo Thank you Thank you
kaakaua war maneuvers maneuvers of army in time of battle
kanaka kolohe rogue rogue, rascal
kukui candlenut candlenut

Stats(?)

The tower has largely been described in archetypal terms.

TIMELESS
VIGILANCE
SELF
PHENOMENAL
LOCUS
PARTICULAR
ESSENTIAL
MONOLITH
ORDER
AUTONOMOUS
PRIMAL
NODE
QUINTESSENTIAL
SOURCE
ARCHETYPE

Speculation

Archeologists think that in Real World ancient Polynesian religion, objects like the Moai were believed to be magically charged with mana. Perhaps Jed the Head has its own juice pool rather than being filled with spells by casters.


Real World References

The tower is shaped like the Moai of Easter Island.

A Djed pillar is an ancient Egyptian symbol representing stability; it was often combined with a pair of eyes in hieroglyphics to represent Osiris.

The name Jed means "Friend of God".

Jed sprinkles its speech with Hawaiian words.