Book 1/Page 17/Transcript

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Wanda Firebaugh: The spell is cast, Lord.

I have only to concentrate on the target and speak the trigger word.

Stanley the Plaid: Okay, listen...

Stanley the Plaid: I want a big guy.

Big, powerful, dashing, handsome, heroic...

...a guy who'll shock and awe[1] them, just standing on the city walls, commanding the fight.

Wanda Firebaugh: I thought we agreed I was looking for the perfect military mind.

A strategic genius, not an ornament.

Stanley the Plaid: I want that, too!

Now think. I want a guy who's commanded all different kinds of battles.

I want him to be obsessed with war. Somebody who plans wars and kills his foes for fun.

I want a guy who snacks on gwiffons and eats Marbits for BREAKFAST!

Stanley the Plaid: And I know the spell will bind him to serve me, but I don't want a morale case. Get me somebody who actually wants to be summoned.

Wanda Firebaugh: Yes Lord.

Stanley the Plaid: And don't screw up the basics, either.

Stanley the Plaid: He's gotta speak Language.

Breathe the air and things.[2]

Everything should seem familiar and safe to him. No crazy surprises.

Wanda Firebaugh: Lord, it's difficult...

Wanda Firebaugh: I...

I am not a Findamancer!

I was looking for a mind! All these physical requirements are too much, I--

Stanley the Plaid: Oh all right, find your genius. Just make him BIG, okay?

Can you do that much, Commander?

Wanda Firebaugh: Thank you, Lord.

...I have him...

"Scruby!"[3]

Sound: PLOT[4]