Battle for Gobwin Knob

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For a summary of the first book in the ErfWorld series, see TBFGK

Wars of Stanley the Tool
Stanley's Historic Battles, The Gobwin Knob Campaign, Destruction of Unaroyal, Assault on Jetstone, Faq's Homeward Blitz, The Magic War

The Gobwin Knob Campaign
Destruction of the Milquetoast Clan, The Battle of Warchalking, Battle for Gobwin Knob

Previous battle: the Battle of Warchalking
Concurrent battle: None
Next battle: Second Battle of Warchalking
Battle for Gobwin Knob
Conflict: Wars of Stanley the Tool
Date: 2 AW - 9 AW
Place: ErfWorld, Gobwin Knob, Faq
Outcome: Royal Crown Coalition destroyed

Gobwin Knob

Royal Crown Coalition, Transylvito, Charlescomm


Royal Crown Coalition




Gobwin Knob


  • +2780 uncroaked Jetstone troops

Royal Crown Coalition

  • Total RCC: 9688+ various units
    • 11+ Warlords



Sofa King





  • 1875+ various units






Royal Crown Coalition

  • Overall: 9688+ various units


  • 3949+ various units


  • 1714+ various units

Sofa King

  • 981+ various units


  • 208+ various units


  • 141+ various units


  • 1875+ various units


  • 820+ Elves




The Battle for Gobwin Knob is the final battle in The Gobwin Knob Campaign fought between Gobwin Knob and the Royal Crown Coalition. The battle was lead by Parson Gotti as Chief Warlord for Gobwin Knob and Prince Ansom, Chief Warlord of Jetstone and leader of the Royal Crown Coalition.

Proposed Canon


Stanley the Plaid was popped as a piker for Gobwin Knob under the reign of King Saline IV. He served well and was promoted to Warlord. As a Warlord, Stanley discovered the Arkenhammer and with its power rose further to become both Chief Warlord and eventually King Saline's Heir Designate. While he was away on a mission, Gobwins broke their alliance with King Saline, croaked him and captured the city of Gobwin Knob. Stanley returned in force and recaptured the city and declared himself Overlord.

Using his status as ruler of Gobwin Knob, Stanley launched a campaign with the intent of discovering and claiming all the Arkentools. The campaign went well, but when Stanley destroyed the Milquetoast Clan, a great many other sides banded together as the Royal Crown Coalition with the intent of destroying Stanley. From this point on, Stanley's campaign went disastrously.

With the death of Lord Manpower the Temporary and the loss of Warchalking at The Battle of Warchalking, Gobwin Knob was reduced to only their capital city and was left without a Chief Warlord.


Gobwin Knob

At the start of the battle, Gobwin Knob had just over 800 troops, including Warlords and Casters. Notable units include a force of Dwagons and Golems as well as a three way caster link allowing Gobwin Knob un-matched surveillance via an Eyemancer Table. Just prior to the battle, Wanda, Chief Croakamancer for Gobwin Knob convinced Stanley to purchase a Summon Perfect Warlord Spell and with it summoned Parson Gotti who would serve as Chief Warlord during the battle.

Royal Crown Coalition

The Royal Crown Coalition began the battle with nearly ten thousand troops from eleven different sides led by Prince Ansom. Notable units include Barbarian Warlord Jillian Zamussels and Archons fighting on behalf of mercenary Charlescomm. However, no casters were released to Ansom by his father, King Slately, and it is unclear if any of the other allied sides provided any either.

Initial Stage

Zamussels's Capture

The Battle for Gobwin Knob begins with a reconnaissance mission led by Barbarian Warlord Jillian Zamussels on behalf of the Royal Crown Coalition and Jetstone Chief Warlord Prince Ansom. Despite being instructed to avoid engagements, Commander Zamussels conducts at least one action against a target of opportunity. Jetstone Warlord Sir Webinar is sent with a force of heavies to provide support to Commander Zamussels. Before Webinar can assist, however, Commander Zamussels encounters a force of Gobwin Knob Dwagons. She is captured and the rest of her force is croaked. Webinar's force, including Jetstone Warlord Dora, encounters and defeats a group of Spidews. During this timeframe, Lady Wanda Firebaugh, Gobwin Knob's Croakamancer, casts the Summon Perfect Warlord Spell, summoning Parson Gotti to serve as Gobwin Knob's Chief Warlord. He is given the title "Lord Hamster."

Zamussels's Release

Main Article: Jillian the Mole

Lady Firebaugh then proceeds to interrogate Zamussels and casts a suggestion spell on the prisoner before Gobwin Knob releases her the following turn, intending to manipulate Prince Ansom into a trap. This fails due to advice given to Ansom by Transylvito Warlord Vinny Doombats, that side's representative in the Royal Crown Coalition. Ansom instead hires three Archons from Charlescomm and sends them to assist Zamussels.

Column Attacks

Main Article: Parson's Siege Raids

The following turn, Lady Firebaugh distractsErf-b1-p048-p5Same-site.PNG Stanley the Tool, while Lord Hamster orders a strategic strike on the Royal Crown Coalition column with a force of Dwagons commanded by three of the Uncroaked Warlords. The strike force is targeting the RCC Siege Units in each stack, withdrawing after all siege units in a target stack are destroyed and assaulting another stack. The Royal Crown Coalition loses forty percent of its siege forces, most of which are those closest to the city of Gobwin Knob. The Dwagon strike force withdraws to two positions: a lake hex where all of the wounded dwagons are hiding, as are all three warlords; and a six-hex ring of forest hexes somewhat closer to the column. This fortress formation is designed to make RCC scouts believe that the wounded dwagons are in the center hex of this formation so that RCC forces seeking retaliation are diverted away from the lake.

Forest Skirmish

On the Coalition turn the same day, the RCC proceeds to use Doombats to scout the fortress formation. Believing the implications of this formation, the RCC sends a force of Woodsy Elves and Gumps led by Woodsy Elf Warlord Tarfu, Vinny Doombats, and Prince Ansom to assault the fortress via a weak hex on the far side of the formation from the column. The initial attack, consisting only of Woodsy Elf archer units, fails, but Prince Ansom proceeds to lead the entire force against the three dwagons in the hex. Another Doombat is sent to scout the center hex. Although it reports the center to be empty, Prince Ansom, suspecting that the wounded dwagons are veiled, moves in anyway.

The Hunt

Finding no wounded dwagons in the center hex of the formation, Prince Ansom and Vinny Doombats discuss their options. Neither abandoning their forest units nor ordering Commander Zamussels's air group to reinforce them are palatable options, so Ansom orders the air group instead to engage in a tactic he refers to as the Hunt.Erf-b1-p062-p12Same-site.PNG The goal of this tactic is to locate and croak the wounded dwagons. Commander Zamussels orders Sir Webinar and Dora each to take portions of the air group and search specific areas, while she takes the majority of her gwiffons and the three Archons to rescue Ansom, Vinny, and Tarfu and return them to the column. By pure chance, however, their route leads them through the lake hex where the wounded dwagons are actually located.Erf-b1-p065Same-site.PNG One of the Archons, Jaclyn, takes it upon herself to inform Zamussels of the suggestion spell on her. With the spell broken, Zamussels willingly attacks the wounded dwagons and Uncroaked Warlords. Warlord Manpower the Temporary attempts to croak Zamussels, but Ansom and Vinny arrive to assist. All of the dwagons and Uncroaked warlords in the hex are destroyed.

Second Stage

Stanley's Departure

More convinced than ever that the battle is lost, Stanley decides to flee Gobwin Knob. He orders all field units to return to the city, then has the linked casters break their link. Maggie, the thinkamancer controlling the spell directs most of the backlash at Misty. She does not survive. Jack also takes damage and becomes a fool. Stanley assembles the Knights in Stanley's Service, Jack, and the rest of the dragons. He, 3 best knights and Jack mount up and flee the city, making for the ruins of Faq where Stanley intends to form a new side.

First Tunnel Skirmish

As Ansom's forces approach the city, he deploys Marbits to scout the tunnels below the city. In his original plan, Ansom would launch an attack through the tunnels as a feint to draw defenders off the walls. However, when Warlord Jillian Zamussels was captured, she told Wanda of these plans. Chief Warlord Parson Gotti uses his knowledge of the enemy plans to lay a trap for Ansom. He deploys his dirtamancer Sizemore Rockwell and a force of Golems to the tunnels with orders to destroy only the Marbit stack that come closest to the city, and to hit them with excessive force.

Convinced that only a main garrison force would hit a scouting stack so hard, and considering the lack of traps and other forces his scouts encountered in the tunnels, Prince Ansom concludes that Parson is betting on a fight on the walls of the city and has left the tunnels relatively un-defended. Prince Ansom decides to adjust his plan so that the attack on the walls becomes the feint and the attack on the tunnels becomes the main attack.


Parson attempts to weaken the coalition against Gobwin Knob by getting Charlescomm to break off alliance with the RCC in exchange for mathamatical calculations on Parson's bracer. Charlie declines, however, citing the damage such a deal would do to his reputation. Parson then contacts Prince Ansom himself and attempts to goad him into acting irrationally. Neither tactic seems effective.

Prince Ansom then assembles Jillian Zamussels and a large force of fliers with orders to make for the Faq Gap. There, they will meet with a force of Charlie's Archons, break off their alliance with Jetstone and ally with Transylvito. This will put Jillian's turn before Stanley's. They will then ambush and destroy Stanley. Prior to setting off on her mission, Jillian takes her group to the Tower of Efdup in Gobwin Knob to confront Wanda Firebaugh over Wanda's earlier use of a Suggestion Spell to attempt to get Jillian to betray Prince Ansom. Wanda isn't the mood and decides to obliterate and uncroak much of Jillian's group by firing off Gobwin Knob's air defenses. Jillian makes for the Faq Gap and ends turn.

Meanwhile, Ansom's main attack force, led by Sir Webinar and Dora enter the tunnels below Gobwin Knob.

Once released of his contract with Jetstone, Charlie makes a deal with Parson. In exchange for 12 Mathamancy calculations, Charlie would make an offer to Transylvito that they could not accept, leaving the ambush with insufficient forces to destroy Stanley. Parson agrees to these terms.

All sides end turn and the next day begins.

Final Stage

The final day in the Battle of Gobwin Knob begins with Charlescomm's turn. Charlie deploys thirty Archons to Gobwin Knob's airspace with the intent to capture Parson and the Mathamancy Bracer, but Parson convinces him to end turn without attacking. Charlie does so, and Gobwin Knob's turn begins.

The Summon Perfect Warlord Spell provides Parson with the last of the items needed to complete the spell and make him the Perfect Warlord: the last piece of Parson's Sword.

Skirmish at Faq Gap

Main Article: Second Battle of Faq

Stanley, his Knights in Stanley's Service and Jack arrive at the Faq Gap and become engaged in battle with Jillian Zamussels and the Transylvito warlords. Even with the Arkenhammer and Rock, Stanley is unable to break through. However, due to Charlie's deal with Parson, Jillian's group doesn't have enough forces to destroy Stanley either. During the battle, Jack recovers from the severing of the caster link and uses his foolamancy to allow Stanley to escape with his remaining forces. They make for Gobwin Knob, but will not arrive till after the battle.

Tunnel Battle

Main Article: Tunnels and Zombies

Parson orders Sizemore to destroy the attacking tunnel forces. Specifically, Sizemore is to use Gobwins to overwhelm weak, unled infantry and Marbits. In the case of Heavies or Warlords, they are to be trapped, tracked, or led into traps or Sizemore's group of Golems. Tunnels are only to be collapsed if doing so would croak a high value target.

Making use of the various traps and collapsing tunnels, Sizemore deals considerable damage to the attacking force. When his reinforcements arrive, Sizemore is able to turn the battle to a rout. The attacking force is completely destroyed, and all entrances to the tunnels are sealed off.

Some 2780 Jetstone units are lost. Wanda uncroaks them and deploys them to the walls. Gobwin Knob ends its turn.

Ansom's Assult

Enraged by the sight of his own deceased troops manning the outer walls of Gobwin Knob, Prince Ansom orders the entire coalition to attack. He then mounts his carpet, flies to the top of the wall and, by himself, creates a weak point in the defense, using the Arkenpliers to destroy a significant number of Uncroaked. Coalition siege arrives and joins the fight.

Parson, worried that Charlescomm will interfere, deploys Wanda and the recently uncroaked air units to intercept and croak Prince Ansom. Ironically, Ansom is struck from his mount by the uncroaked Sir Webinar and falls to the Gobwin Knob Courtyard. Charlescomm breaks his agreement with Parson and, after re-allying with Jetstone, orders his archons to destroy Wanda's group. They do so. Rapidly.

Wanda is incapacitated but Ansom decides to re-join the fight rather than finish her off. Sizemore's golem group rescues her and restores her with a scroll from Wanda's stash. All units are ordered off the walls and to assemble in the courtyard for a fighting retreat.

Assault on the Garrison

Main Article: Thriller Moves

Ansom orders all troops through breaches in the Outer Wall, and Parson retreats to behind the walls of the Courtyard. Parson wants to croak a large number of those troops, so he prepares to create a massacre at the first breach in the wall by stacking as many bonuses as he can, while eliminating bonuses from the enemy troops.

To achieve this, Parson orders Sizemore to attack Leadership targets on the outside of the walls, taking Shockmancy scrolls with him. Wanda prepares to set up a force of Dance-fighting uncroaked behind the first breach in the wall. Parson believes that without Leadership, the enemy Units will be forced to auto-attack with low bonuses, against Wanda's uncroaked which would have her "massive" bonus, Parson's Leadership for being in the same city, and a bonus for Dance Fighting.

Sizemore manages to kill two warlords and a handful of other troops before he is forced to retreat. Wanda's Dance-Fighting uncroaked fight very well, slaughtering the un-led troops pouring through the breach. Instead of ordering the attack to halt, Prince Ansom ascends to Gobwin Knob airspace and, with the aid of Charlie's Archons, leads his own forces in a dance fight (using DDR moves). Although Wanda's group has more bonuses, Prince Ansom has far more forces and manages to gain the upper hand. Parson is forced to order another retreat.


Main Article: Twolling for Warlords

Parson, realising that he needs to eliminate the massive bonuses Prince Ansom is providing to the RCC forces, hatches a plan. Bogroll is to be veiled to appear as Parson and surrender to Ansom. Parson arranges the surrender through Charlie who, despite thinking that it's a trap, relays the information to Ansom anyway. When Ansom arrives at the top of tower to accept the surrender, Bogroll disarms him and tackles him off the tower. Prince Ansom is killed by the fall, while Bogroll levels up twice from killing such a valuable target but is quickly overwhelmed by the enemy forces he's fallen into.

Spurred on by the croaking of their leader, the RCC presses the attack, determined to finish the fight that turn. Even with the loss of Ansom, the RCC still has considerably more troops and warlords than Gobwin Knob. Parson believes that after his latest trick, no-one is going to accept another surrender proposal and has no desire to fight yet another losing battle. He orders Sizemore to collapse the tunnels below the city. Sizemore does so and destroys everything in the city save the dungeon.

Massive damage is inflicted upon the RCC forces, but they still have combat capable troops. Furthermore, the damage to the city has weakened the dungeon defense to the point where the enemy can, quite literally, bust through the walls to walk right in. Parson orders "the last of the last of the last stands" to take place in the Portal Room.

Volcano Uncroaking

Main Article: Volcano Uncroaking

After running the numbers on his Mathamancy Bracer, Parson determines that the battle can't be won. He tells his casters as much and suggests that they flee through the portal to the Magic Kingdom. The three casters all realized that he hadn't ordered them into the Portal. Parson revealed an inner suspicion: he had been planning to put his gamers back on Earth through a game they could not win without cheating, and to ensure that happened, he planned to cheat them if they ever started winning honestly. He suspected this was happening to himself, and so to win, he needed to cheat.

Parson ordered the three casters -- Maggie, Sizemore, and Wanda -- to link and uncroak the volcano. This was done, and they performed the assigned task. Parson, hearing the task had succeeded, ordered the linked Casters through the Portal. With the volcano collapsing around him, Parson leapt into the Portal himself, guessing that this might send him back to his world.


Aside from the Superfluous Elves, Woodsy Elves, and Shady Elves, who had already retreated at the last minute, the volcano destroyed all surviving RCC forces. Gobwin Knob itself lost all but few a uncroaked and Dirtamancy golems. The terrain was permanently altered and a Lava lake was created. During the casting, Sizemore discovered there were still gems in the mountain and had them blasted to the surface during the explosion. The gems made Gobwin Knob one of the richest sides on Erfworld, giving them at least 2.3 million schmuckers.

When Parson entered the Magic Kingdom through the portal, he was neither sent to his own world (as he had hoped) nor disbanded (as should happen to any non-caster.) He was declared to be a Hippiemancer but was sent back through the portal to the ruins of Gobwin Knob along with the rest of his casters. Wanda searched through the ruins, uncovered and attuned to the Arkenpliers. With them she was able to decrypt a great many fallen enemies including Prince Ansom. Maggie linked with Sizemore to rebuild the city to level 5. Various modifiers put the city's defensive value at an effective level 8, the strongest in Erfworld. Reconstruction was complete before Stanley returned.

See Also